By Emmanuel Hospice
greer@wktv.org
If you’re wondering how you’ll get through the holiday season knowing it may be your last with a loved one – or your first without them – know that you’re not alone.
That’s the main message Emmanuel Hospice Bereavement Coordinator Katie Mayberry wants you to hear as the holidays approach. In addition to sharing resources for free one-on-one and group support, Mayberry has several suggestions for coping with grief around the holidays.
“We recognize this time of year can be especially difficult for those who are grieving the loss of a loved one or anticipating their loved one’s passing,” she says. “A lot of different emotions can come to the surface, which can be difficult to navigate on top of all the usual stressors that come with the holidays.”
Grief can bring on a spectrum of emotions. Mayberry says it’s common to feel sorrowful, angry or empty, but there may also be relief, appreciation and gratitude. Guilt also can be associated with grief, especially when experiencing moments of happiness when your loved one is no longer with you.
“Allow yourself to experience moments of comfort and joy, alongside the lower moods,” Mayberry encourages. “If you find yourself laughing or smiling, or experiencing other positive emotions during the holidays, know they do not cancel out your sadness, nor does it mean you have forgotten your loved one.
“There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but what is important is to recognize everyone grieves differently. Allow yourself to feel emotions as they come up.”
Families who currently have a loved one in hospice care may want to focus on prioritizing quality time together and creating lasting memories during this holiday season. This will likely mean tailoring the celebration to the patient’s abilities and comfort level and your own capacity as a caregiver, even if it means scaling back on festivities.
“Acknowledge that things will be different this year, and remind yourself it’s OK to modify your normal routine,” Mayberry says. “If possible, have open communication with your loved one about their wishes. Invite them into the conversation about the holidays and ask how they want to participate.
“If a conversation isn’t possible, think of creature comforts your loved one has enjoyed in the past and incorporate them into your get-together.”
For families going into the holiday season after the loss of their loved one, activities of remembrance and reflection can be helpful. Mayberry says there are many ways to honor your loved one that can also be therapeutic for you:
- Create mementos such as an ornament or wreath with elements that represent your loved one.
- Light a candle during your holiday activities in honor of them.
- Cook a dish they loved and talk about it during the meal.
- Donate or volunteer to support a cause they cared about.
- Do an act of kindness in their memory.
“Doing things that make you feel connected to that person can be really comforting,” Mayberry adds. “And while these activities can be meaningful for some people, others may not be in a place to do any of them this holiday season, and that’s OK, too.”
Sometimes you just need someone to talk to, and that’s where professional grief support can help. Emmanuel Hospice’s grief support services are open to anyone in the community on a grief journey regardless of whether they have a prior connection with the nonprofit organization or hospice care. More information about upcoming support groups is available at EmmanuelHospice.org/grief-support.
If anyone is looking for additional resources on how to cope, they can reach out directly to Emmanuel’s grief support team by emailing EHbereavement@EmmanuelHospice.org or calling 616-719-0919.
