By Regina Salmi, Area Agency on Aging of Western Michigan
Given that almost 20% of the population in the United States is aged 60+ and that more than 5 million people in the United States live with some form of dementia, it is likely that we have at least one person in our family who is a caregiver. We may not recognize them as being a caregiver — we might look at it as mom taking care of dad, or the sister who drives mom and dad places since she lives nearby.
As the holiday season comes into full swing, the caregiving role can take on added stress. Reaching out to caregivers and helping them plan for holiday festivities can go a long way toward helping the caregiver and their loved ones enjoy the holidays alongside family and friends.
We can begin by helping to choose holiday activities. As invitations arrive, it can be challenging for a caregiver to decide what to accept and what to decline. An evening out with old friends might be something the caregiver would like to do, but might be difficult for their loved one to attend. A family gathering might require a long trip and an overnight stay. Having family in for the weekend might be overwhelming for caregiver and loved one, alike. Some people might decide the amount of planning required is too much and decide to just stay home.
Social isolation is an unfortunate reality for many caregivers and their loved ones. It doesn’t have to be this way though. Julie Alicki, Certified Advanced Dementia Practitioner, agrees.
“Particularly in people with dementia, the tendency is to want to isolate, but being included in gatherings is beautiful,” Alicki said. “It allows them the opportunity to be social and this is important.”
Planning is key in helping caregivers approach the holiday season. Sitting down with a caregiver and mapping out the holidays can help us plan in advance for how we’re going to manage the holidays. Sarah Sobel, LMSW, AAAWM Caregiver Services & Contract Administrator has a suggestion.
“Decide what invitations the caregiver would like to accept and, of those, which events the loved one would like to attend and start from there,” she said.
Knowing in advance what events will be attended helps with the next phase, which is to make plans for each event — a Plan A, Plan B and even a C just in case. This will help determine what resources and assistance will need to be put in place ahead of time, so the person in the caregiving role does not feel that they’ve been left in a lurch.
For example, if there is a large family gathering, a person with dementia may require a quiet place to go when things become loud or chaotic. Arranging this in advance will help the caregiver be able to relax and enjoy, knowing there is a plan in place.
Alicki said, “When getting together as a family, if there are big, important things planned to take place, like gift opening, move those to the beginning of the gathering so both the caregiver and loved one can participate, and they can leave when necessary without missing out.”
Caregivers often put their needs second, third or last to other people in their life. Offering the caregiver some relief would make a tremendous gift for the holidays.
“Caregiving is stressful and the holidays can add to that stress. It is important for caregivers to do self-care,” Sobel said.
How can friends and family help with this? Having a friend or family member stay with a loved one for a weekend would offer the caregiver the freedom to get away for some rest and time for themselves or stepping in for a day so the caregiver can take in a concert or do some shopping. Arranging for professional in-home care can also provide some relief for a caregiver.
“This also clues the rest of the family in on what the caregiver is going through — it keeps them in the loop,” said Alicki.
Try to make the holidays guilt-free for caregivers.
“Caregiving for someone every day can be so unpredictable. It’s important that plans are flexible,” Sobel said.
If a caregiver needs to leave a gathering early, let them know how happy you are that you got to spend time with them rather than how disappointed you are that they have to leave. If traveling is too much, consider changing the location of a gathering to accommodate them. If a plan needs to be cancelled, be understanding.
During the holidays, like everyone else, caregivers and the loved ones they care for want to be involved in holiday festivities: attending parties, gatherings, concerts and events. The holidays are time to connect with friends, relatives who live states away, nieces, nephews, grandchildren, etc. Those who care for caregivers can help the holiday season be an enjoyable one by offering support, participating in planning, and sharing in the responsibilities of caregiving.
If you need help making in-home care or respite arrangements, contact Area Agency on Aging of Western Michigan at 888.456.5664 or aaainfo@aaawm.org.
