By Care Resources
Diane Gaston knows what it’s like to be part of the so-called “sandwich generation” because she juggled a full-time job along with serving as caregiver to both her own children and her aging mother at the same time.
In her case, she embraced it all as acts of love and wouldn’t have changed a thing.
But for some of the estimated 40 million Americans who are unpaid caregivers to their parents – and sometimes their kids simultaneously – it can exact a toll on their physical and mental health.
There are ways to enlist help, including tapping into the resources of Care Resources, a Grand Rapids-based program for qualifying people 55 and older who want healthy, independent living options without being placed into a nursing home.
It’s open to residents of Kent and parts of Allegan, Barry, Ionia and Ottawa counties who meet state of Michigan nursing facility-level of care and are able to live safely in the community with assistance.
Participants can take advantage of a wide array of services provided at the Care Resources day center, which houses a full-service clinic and pharmacy. Participants can also access services in their homes and through a network of community providers – ultimately easing the burden experienced by adult children serving in that caregiver role.
“Our goal is to keep people out of nursing homes and in their own homes for as long as possible,” says CEO Tracey McKnight, noting 11 interdisciplinary services are made available to all participants – “everything from primary care to rehab services to help with transportation, nutrition, meds and much more.”
Gaston knows this firsthand, as she’s employed by Care Resources as a personal care attendant, specializing in providing showers to participants at the day center at 4150 Kalamazoo Ave. SE.
She and her husband, Tim, have three children, two of whom still live with them in their Grand Rapids home. Their responsibilities increased a few years ago when Diane’s mother, Leola, grew more dependent, with Diane insisting that she not ever enter a nursing facility.
Eventually, Leola moved in with Diane and family. Diane maintains “I got frustrated with her medical condition (diabetes, dementia and kidney failure) but never my mother.”
When Leola, who worked many years in valet laundry at the Amway Grand Plaza Hotel, would fantasize she was still there and start sorting through her clothing, Diane knew enough to play along: “It was easier to be in her world than trying to take her out of it.”
Even with the challenges, Diane says she now has “treasured memories” of caring for her mother until the very end, taking solace in how she was beside her mother “when she took her last breath.”
Diane’s advice for others who find themselves part of the sandwich generation? “It doesn’t hurt to step away. Separate yourself from time to time and laugh or cry your way through it. If you’re dealing with dementia, realize that person is no longer who they used to be, and you may now have to treat them like a child, but always remember the love.”
If your loved one qualifies for a program like Care Resources, she says, consider the option, because it can reduce the toll exacted on those providing care, which is vital for one’s mental health.
Leola Gaston passed in May 2022. Even now, Diane can still see her, still hear her singing hymns like those she lifted up while a member of Mt. Zion Missionary Baptist Church in Grand Rapids. And she can still sense her mother’s presence, just like all those years Leola spent raising Diane and three other children by herself, the result of Leola losing her husband in an automobile accident when she was yet a young wife and mother.
Diane’s mother’s journey was “a lot,” says Diane. But she was never overwhelmed into regretting her decision to care for her. In the end, Leola didn’t call Diane by her given name, but instead “that lady.”
Which was OK with Diane. As long as they were able to be together.
For more about Care Resources, call 616-913-2006, or visit careresources.org
