By Emmanuel Hospice
greer@wktv.org
Each time Kaitlyn Dawson has lost a patient, she takes the time to draw a flower commemorating the time and space the two enjoyed together and to honor a life well-lived. Her bittersweet bouquet includes some 200 flowers to date.
In her role as education manager for Emmanuel Hospice, Dawson believes that taking the time to memorialize and remember someone who dies is a productive way to deal with grief. She shares her sentiments with others who work on behalf of Emmanuel to help patients through their respective transitions.
“It’s adopting a rhythm and a practice that engages the grief and embraces the life someone led,” says Dawson, who worked many years as a social worker. “It doesn’t have to be drawing a flower, though. It can be virtually anything – lighting a candle, saying a prayer, writing in a journal.”
The key, she notes, is to “establish a practice of tangibly acknowledging their place and our own place in this world, and commemorating something – someone – we’ve lost.”
Dawson moves through her drawings and comes upon one of a hydrangea: “Every time I look at this, it makes me think of Carol,” she says. “I remember my time with her. I remember her smile and how loving she was. I remember how she always greeted me with a hug, no matter what the day was like or what was going on.”
Dawson doesn’t spend time ascribing a certain flower to each person. She picks the flowers at random. “It’s more about the practice of doing it. I use pen and pencil and pastels and crayons. I use simple notebook paper. It’s easy and affordable and yet, it matters.”
Dawson majored in art while in college, and initially had planned to specialize in ceramics before pivoting into social work. But she emphasizes that you don’t have to have a special talent to memorialize someone.
“Start with something that is most meaningful to you – music, words, a place. Think about how to share that in a special time and space. How can I create a rhythm or practice that honors that person? Simply putting thoughts down on paper – perhaps by writing a letter they’ll obviously never see – has power.”
Dawson references the picture boards we assemble for the funeral home and laments how after the service “suddenly, they’re gone.” But a lasting memorial or practice is a way to honor that person as often as every day and offers ways to create something that grows and lasts.
Even taking a 10-minute walk while remembering someone is a way to make a difference in a purposeful manner: “The practice of connecting the emotion and feeling to a physical act is what’s important – and in that respect, the sky’s the limit.”
“Grief,” says Dawson, “is an important emotion we need to protect, because it never leaves us and is always evolving. Our lives transform around it. When we honor our grief by paying attention to and holding space for it, we have the opportunity to find new ways to love the ones we’ve lost.”
For more information about Emmanuel Hospice, call 616-719-0919 or visit emmanuelhospice.org
