By Care Resources
While the holidays conjure images of festive gatherings with family, special meals lovingly prepared and gifts beautifully wrapped, Paula Lett knows that’s often not the case for the elderly.
As the social services manager for Care Resources, she sees firsthand the grief, emptiness and stress the holidays can bring to those who are aging – but it doesn’t have to be that way.
“Television promotes that loving family with everyone gathered around a tree with presents, which is not reality in many people’s lives,” Lett explains. “Not everyone has strong ties to family or happy associations of the holidays. Seniors do experience a lot of loss and grief at this time and are at higher risk for suicide during the holidays.
“Before, they were the ones who ran the holidays and now they’re on the outside looking in. They might be in a facility and not getting many visits. They may not feel a sense of welcome.”
Lett and her team at Care Resources take special steps around the holidays to make sure participants feel loved and supported. The nonprofit provides holistic, wraparound support for people 55 years and older to promote healthy and independent living – and keep them out of nursing homes.
Lett says there are simple things we can all do to make the holidays brighter and more meaningful for elderly family members, neighbors or friends.
- Ask their opinion: It might seem like a simple place to start, but Lett says this act of inclusion can be powerful. “You can say, ‘we’re having this family get-together – what are some of your thoughts?’” Lett explains. “‘We’ll be putting up the tree this weekend – would you like to come and help us?’ Be aware reaching out can mean so much.”
- Offer to help: Lett encourages simple offers of help, such as swinging by to shovel the walkway or checking in to make sure their house is warm and their fridge is stocked. These simple acts of kindness, she says, also allow you to take stock of potential declines in older family members or friends that might need to be further addressed.
- Spend time: Finding a way to make time for the elderly is always appreciated, Lett says. “Make a plan and offer to pick them up for an outing together,” she explains. “Including them in outings with your family doesn’t cost anything, but can mean the world.” Even something as simple as sending a card or letter lets seniors know you’re thinking of them.
- Be thoughtful: She recommends planning around health issues, such as being unable to climb stairs easily or needing to eat at certain times. “Keep mobility issues in mind,” she explains. “Pay attention so you can anticipate things they might need ahead of time and put thought into the process.”
- Be present: It’s easy to get swept up in the hustle of the holidays. Lett says it’s not enough just to show up for our seniors – you have to focus and pay attention when you do. “You need to give yourself the gift of slowing down and allowing yourself to give your presence to the people in your life,” she explains.
- Choose gifts wisely: Be aware of dietary and lifestyle restrictions when shopping for seniors. Rather than gifting food or beverages they can’t eat, Lett suggests choosing a practical gift that “will go over well,” such as scarves, a blanket or throw, fuzzy slippers or shawls.
Lett says these acts of kindness might start with the holidays, but should extend throughout the year through monthly get-togethers for coffee, dinner, shopping or another activity.
“The sense of knowing we’re making someone else’s life better by including them in activities in our lives will also give us a sense of fulfillment. Contribute something to them since they’ve contributed so much to us. If you do everything around this season, for the rest of the year, there’s that emptiness. Connect with seniors throughout the year.”
For more information about support for people 55 years and older, call 616-913-2006 or visit CareResources.org.
