The Stomp Out Stigma Walk is a free 3-mile group walk hosted by the Mental Health Foundation of West Michigan’s be nice. program. Participants have the option to raise money via sponsorships and donations. All proceeds benefit be nice. education programs.
Exchanging stigma for compassion
Stomp Out Stigma 2024 (Courtesy, Deborah Reed WKTV)
The be nice. action plan (notice, invite, challenge, empower) educates students about mental illnesses and encourages them to exchange stereotypes for understanding, compassion and acceptance.
The Stomp Out Stigma annual walk was created to help further eradicate stigma surrounding mental illness, provide support for those struggling with mental illness, and honor the memories of those lost to mental illness.
Beginning at the Grand Valley State University Seward parking lot, participants walked along the Grand River Boardwalk. Encouraging messages were posted and written in chalk along the route. A picture memorial allowed participants to pause and honor the memories of loved ones lost to suicide.
A walk that can change lives
The 2024 Stomp Out Stigma Walk raised over $60,000 to benefit the various be nice. programs providing resources that are changing lives on a national level.
Participants in Stomp Out Stigma are helping create psychologically safe spaces in schools, at work and on teams; empower individuals of all ages to seek help; empower individuals with tools for resilience; and change, improve and save lives.
For more information on be nice. programs and upcoming events, click here.
Four simple steps can save lives – find out how to BE NICE.
Christy Buck and Jessica Jones of Mental Health Foundation’s be nice. program reveal how to make mental health part of our every day conversation (Courtesy, WKTV)
TRIGGER WARNING: This article contains sensitive information about depression and suicide that may be distressing or traumatic for some individuals.
Christy Buck is changing the narrative on mental illness with her be nice. program (Courtesy, WKTV)
Christy Buck, Executive Director and Founder of be nice., is determined to make mental health a part of our everyday conversation.
Buck’s passion for transforming and saving lives through mental health education has led her through 36+ years of experience in the mental health field and the development of mental health and suicide prevention programs.
“I would challenge people to become more knowledgeable to have the confidence to talk about mental illnesses/mental health disorders,” said Buck to WKTV Journal.
Due to a 20% increase in mental health disorders, people are talking more about mental health than ever before. But Buck says we are still missing a vital piece of the solution.
Greater understanding breeds prevention
“What’s not being talked about is recognizing when somebody is struggling with an illness,” said Buck. “That, to me, is one of the biggest things that we owe the community and the nation right now: a better understanding of recognizing the onset of a mental health disorder.”
Buck continued to say that talking about mental illness/mental health disorders is going to raise a greater understanding of one of the most common illnesses in the world – anxiety disorder.
Normalizing conversations about mental illness combats stigma (Courtesy, pxhere.com)
And when we make it okay to talk about mental illness, we combat stigma.
“One way we can combat stigma is by listening to conversations, [and] correcting people when they might not be knowledgeable about mental illnesses,” said Buck.
Since 2006, Buck and her staff have educated over 300,000 people in West Michigan about mental health awareness, bullying, and suicide prevention. And though Buck says she has seen a large shift over the last few years, there is still more work to do.
“When somebody is struggling with a mental health disorder, it’s very scary for those individuals,” said Buck. “Oftentimes there is self-stigma too…viewing yourself as unworthy, viewing yourself as defeated, that there is no hope.”
Dare to swim upstream
Conquering stigma requires knowledge and willingness to open conversations “upstream.”
The four-step be nice. action plan (notice, invite, challenge, empower) addresses all of these issues.
Be willing to “swim upstream” and have those open conversations (Courtesy, WKTV)
“It’s a simple tool,” said Buck. “Oftentimes we complicate mental health.”
The first step to unraveling that obstacle is to notice when something is different than the norm.
“It’s huge to have ownership of what I am seeing and what I am noticing,” said Buck. “Now I have this knowledge, and having a knowledge base is going to build my confidence to take action.
“Confidence is that tool to invite myself into a conversation.”
That conversation should begin with what is good and right about the person you are talking to. It allows that person to know you care and are concerned. Then acknowledge the differences you have noticed.
(Courtesy, pxhere.com)
Then give hope.
“[Hope] comes through language like: you can feel better, you can get better,” said Buck. “Because it’s the truth. It is huge to be able to give that person some hope.”
Also using the word(s) love and I care about you can instill hope in someone.
Protective/Preventative Measures
Ensuring access to services and usage of those services are two main protective factors for those struggling and/or at risk. Another protective factor is friends and family – having people you can talk to.
Eating right, getting sleep and exercising are three things that release chemicals in your brain that help a person feel better. Spiritual wellness can also help, whether in the form of church or meditation that focuses on positive thinking.
“These are all pieces of empowerment,” said Buck. “When somebody is struggling with a mental health disorder or mental illness, they can’t find those protective factors.”
Buck went on to say that inviting someone struggling into a conversation by asking how you can help guides that person toward self-awareness.
Anyone can be N.I.C.E.
“No one is too young to follow the [action] plan, no one is too old to follow the plan,” said Buck. “This can be for kindergarteners through senior citizens. I love it because it is so multi-generational.”
The be nice. program and action plan educates students, staff, and community members about mental illnesses and encourages them to exchange stereotypes for understanding, compassion and acceptance.
And it has been proven to save lives.
“Be nice. is to go out and treat people with respect and dignity,” said Buck. “It is having that greater understanding that how we treat each other has an affect on someone’s mental health. On how somebody is thinking, how they’re acting, and how they’re feeling.”
Then, Buck continued, it turns into an action plan to change, improve, and save lives.
Notice the right and good of every individual you come into contact with, and invite yourself to share that good with them. Many times, the person may not have ever heard the good about themselves.
(Courtesy, be nice.)
By sharing that with them, you are “bringing about that greater understanding of how worthy they are,” said Buck.
Challenge other people to spread that kindness. Treat people with respect and dignity.
“Ultimately, it feels good,” said Buck. “That’s empowerment.”
Julie Gregory, mother of suicide victim Jessica Gregory, is an advocate for the be nice. program.
“As I have gotten to know some of the wonderful volunteers and people who are involved in this program, I have realized what a difference it could have made in Jessica’s life,” Gregory said on her blog, Picking Up the Pieces. “It could have affected the outcome of my daughter’s life.”
Gregory went on to say that, over the last several years, she has learned that how you treat people impacts the way they think, act, and feel.
“Be the change this world needs today,” said Gregory. “Treat people with love and respect, give them support when they are down, get involved, be positive role models and be nice.”
“We are here.”
Help others by educating yourself (Courtesy, pxhere.com)
Knowledge surrounding physical illnesses has increased exponentially over the decades. Buck now challenges us to become more educated about mental illness.
Be nice. offers training on how to recognize mental illness signs and help those struggling. Training registrations can be found on their website.
“We are here,” said Jessica Jones, Communications Director for the Mental Health Foundation. “[We’re] ready to help people have those conversations.”
Resources
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. It is a free, 24/7 service that offers confidential support, information and local resources.
TRIGGER WARNING: This article contains sensitive information about depression and suicide that may be distressing or traumatic for some individuals.
Eradicate stigma through knowledge (Courtesy, pxhere.com)
Ignorance results in stigma.
Stigma prevents those who need help from seeking it.
Knowledge and self-awareness stop both ignorance and stigma in their tracks.
“I’ve learned that when people say things about suicide,” Julie Gregory, mother of suicide victim Jessica Gregory, told WKTV Journal, “they’re not saying it to be mean or callous. They’re saying it because they’re ignorant to the facts.”
Christy Buck, Executive Director of the be nice. program, provides an action plan consisting of four simple steps that equip individuals with knowledge to recognize, understand, accept, and take action regarding mental health.
N: notice changes in someone’s thoughts, actions or feelings.
I: invite yourself to speak up if those changes last two weeks or longer.
C: challenge yourself to ask the tough questions, get help, and fight the stigma surrounding mental illness and treatment.
E: empower yourself and others with the knowledge that you can have an effect on how a person thinks, acts and feels.
Self-awareness and grace
For those struggling with mental illness, self-awareness and giving themselves grace are two key components of healing.
“The more self-aware you become, you also know what your limits are,” said Dr. Valencia Agnew of Adolescent and Family Behavioral Services.
Jessica Jones of the Mental Health Foundation discusses mental health with local clinicians (from left to right) Dr. Matthew Clark, Dr. Valencia Agnew, Dr. Jim Bettenhorn, and Dr. Brendan Kelly (Courtesy, Deborah Reed WKTV)
Being aware of your thinking gives you more control, said Dr. Brendan Kelly of The Well Being Counseling and Fitness Center. “Control over things you didn’t have [before], like a sense of empowerment over yourself.”
Preparation: It’s like clockwork…I know it’s coming…
In a place of recovery for mental illness, local resident Monica Ruiz said paying close attention to what her body tells her, and how it affects her engagement in activities that keep her regulated and healthy, is key in recognizing when her mental illness is triggered.
Opting out of her regular walks, skipping support group, and not making dinner are all signs that Monica’s mental health is faltering. She then digs into her coping resource toolbox to help manage those negative symptoms.
Signs of mental illness
Signs that someone is struggling with their mental health varies from person to person, but there are several indicators that appear with regularity.
Symptoms of mental illness come in many forms (Courtesy, pxhere.com)
Changes in normal patterns lasting two weeks or more is a key symptom of mental illness. Some (but not all) signs are included below:
Changes in eating
Changes in sleeping
Isolating themselves
Not wanting to go to school or places they used to enjoy
Increase in crying/appearing sad
Changes in schoolwork
Violence toward themselves or others
Increase in crude or harmful language
Increase in anger/temper tantrums
Nothing to look forward to, such as events or the future
If you notice these signs in yourself or others, seek help.
If encountering resistance from a parent/adult, Agnew advises those struggling to say: “Even if it is a phase, what harm will it do for me to go and have someone help me? Who couldn’t benefit from support during a [difficult] phase?”
Adapting and Modifying
Simplify activities during difficult times (Courtesy, pxhere.com)
When experiencing a low point, modifying daily routines can be helpful.
“One of my first lines of defense is to modify my daily activities,” said Monica. “Pausing, being still, and taking that time.”
For a few days, dinner might consist of protein shakes or frozen dinners. Groceries might be ordered and delivered via an online app versus spending hours in a store.
However, Monica added, simplifying activities should only be a short-term solution.
Rachael Braginton, Program Coordinator for be nice., said she has experienced struggles with her own mental health. She can tell her mental health has been negatively triggered when she becomes more irritable, her energy levels dip, and she regularly feels overwhelmed.
Slow down and breathe (Courtesy, pxhere.com)
Rachael has learned to give herself grace during those times.
“It’s okay to take the evening,” said Rachael. “It’s okay to just sit. It’s okay if you’re just surviving…for a few days.”
Rachael makes a conscious effort to slow down and tell herself it is okay if everything she planned doesn’t get done. But, after taking a moment to relax, Rachael makes a revised plan: What two things am I going to do, so I feel accomplished?
And again…grace.
“You’ve got to continue to give yourself grace in that process,” said Rachael.
First steps: Reaching out
Seek help and reach out to someone you trust (Courtesy, pxhere.com)
When your mental health is triggered, reaching out to a person you trust is crucial.
“My biggest encouragement would be, find that one person who you are the most comfortable with, that you can say, ‘I’m struggling, and I don’t know what the next step is. Can you help me?’” said Rachael.
Monica agreed that finding a person you trust and who can help you navigate those first steps of the healing process is impactful.
And support is often needed more than advice.
Support vs. Advice
Though it is human nature to want to help a struggling loved one find relief or a solution, a listening ear is often most important.
“Do not fix, control or hand out advice,” said Monica, adding that she personally does not want advice most of the time. “I’m not looking to be fixed.”
Listening, empathizing and letting someone know you support them often helps the most.
“Don’t tell them you know exactly how they feel, because we don’t,” said Dr. Matthew Clark of The Clark Institute. “A lot of times people just want someone to listen, to reflect back to them what they are saying.”
Dr. Matthew Clark (left) and Dr. Valencia Agnew discuss ways to provide support to those struggling (Courtesy, WKTV)
Minimizing or invalidating an individual’s struggle is also damaging.
“Invalidation can be very harmful, and it can immediately fracture that trust and feeling of safety,” said Monica.
Rachael added that causing someone to feel shame about their struggle is also harmful.
Find a team of supportive people (Courtesy, pxhere.com)
“Most people struggling logically know what they are doing is not helpful, or logically know [that] I should be able to do X, Y, and Z. [But] I can’t,” said Rachael. “There is a logical piece to all of us, and we know it’s not right. So quick fixes – those little things – just aren’t helpful.”
Eliminate “Just” statements such as Just breathe, or Just calm down.
“If I could ‘just’ think really hard and change my chemicals, I would,” said Rachael. “But I can’t.”
Madelyn Musser, a local resident with personal mental illness experience, said to stay calm if approached by someone looking for support. Simply ask, What do you need from me? Would you like advice? Or do you just want me to listen?
“That is something so powerful, just those two little options,” said Madelyn, adding that it is important to surround yourself with supportive people. “Build a team.”
Hold space, leave space
“Leave space for silence,” said Rachael. “Allow the other person to fill it. Let them say what they need to say.”
If there is any indication someone is struggling, it is vital to ask how that person is doing and hold space for that conversation. It is also just as important to hold space for the answers you receive.
Asking someone if they are okay shows you care about them (Courtesy, pxhere.com)
“Don’t be afraid to have that conversation with someone,” said Agnew. “Nine times out of ten, they’re going to tell you [if they are thinking of suicide].
“You are not going to make someone suicidal by asking. You are not going to plant a seed.”
Clark said that simply checking in with someone is a way to show support.
“Sometimes we feel like no one really cares about what [we are] going through,” said Clark. “Sometimes we think that if they don’t ask, they don’t care.”
#ThereIsAlwaysHope
“I do believe that all suffering is temporary,” said Monica. “I do believe that, as humans, we are capable of healing ourselves, and we know what we need.
“Life experiences can get in the way of that and make us feel hopeless, that we will never get better and there is no help. But I do believe that is not true.”
All suffering is temporary – there is always hope (Courtesy, pxhere.com)
“When we sit here and say there is hope, it’s because we’ve seen it, we’ve lived it,” said Rachael.
When hope is not easy to see, Rachael urges those struggling to take it one step at a time.
“It’s not always easy, but there really is hope out there,” said Rachael.
Monica said that even in the lowest times, there will be moments of reprieve. “So please hold on. There is help. It gets better.”
Recognize your worth
“I remember the first time someone told me that I was worthy just because I existed,” said Monica. “It brought me to tears immediately.”
She continued, “It’s something I say to others. I do believe everyone really does belong here.”
Changing things up
Rewriting the narrative surrounding mental health and mental illness is long overdue. Action is how to make it happen.
Rewrite the narrative on mental illness by taking action today (Courtesy, pxhere.com)
“You change the narrative by doing something,” said Agnew. “Go talk to someone. It changes the narrative just by taking that step.”
Buck’s be nice.book visualizes the four-step suicide prevention process as a pyramid (pg. 143).
Knowledge of mental illness signs and risk factors – and how to approach them – creates the base. Confidence generated by that knowledge is the middle. At the top of the pyramid is action: the steps taken to address the concern.
Dr. Valencia Agnew shares how we can change the narrative (Courtesy, WKTV)
“Knowledge breeds confidence,” said Buck in her book (pg. 144). “Confidence breeds action.”
Increasing personal knowledge, having a support system and building resiliency are all steps to rewriting your story, or the story of a loved one.
“Any of those things can change the narrative,” said Agnew. “Literally change the narrative.
“It’s not always easy to do, but it is possible to do, and it is well worth the investment. You get to go from existing, to living.”
Eradicate Stigma
To learn more about be nice. and the four simple steps to recognizing depression and preventing suicide, visit the Mental Health Foundation.
Help stomp out stigma surrounding mental illness by joining the free annual be nice.Stomp Out Stigma 5K Walk event in May each year.
*Find more Mental Health: Rewriting the Narrativeresources by clicking here.
Resources
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. It is a free, 24/7 service that offers confidential support, information and local resources.
TRIGGER WARNING: This article contains sensitive information about depression and suicide that may be distressing or traumatic for some individuals.
Madelyn Musser was 15 years old when she attempted suicide. Rachael Braginton attempted to end her life as a freshman in college.
It was several years before Monica Ruiz realized her depressive episodes and struggles with suicide were a result of complex trauma from her childhood and the resulting PTSD.
These three local women sat down with WKTV Journal to share their mental health journeys in the hopes of eradicating stigma surrounding mental illness.
Moderated by Jessica Jones of Mental Health Foundation of West Michigan, lived experience participants (left to right) Madelyn Musser, Monica Ruiz and Rachael Braginton discussed the stigma and challenges of mental disorders (Courtesy, Deborah Reed WKTV)
Managing their mental health journey is a daily endeavor for millions of people worldwide. It is one undertaken and shared by these three local women. Joined by local clinicians and the Mental Health Foundation, they strive to rewrite the narrative surrounding their struggles.
Stigma: Victims of our own conditioning
You are going through: hormone changes, emotions, being ‘that age.’
But you have: a loving family, material possessions, a roof over your head.
All of the above are a fraction of what Madelyn and Monica heard from doctors and family members over the years as they struggled to understand a persistent sense of hopelessness.
Harmful beliefs and narratives make it difficult for those suffering to receive help (Courtesy, pxhere.com)
“I don’t think my family are bad people,” said Monica. “I think they’re just a product of the culture in which we live, and these harmful beliefs or narratives that have been passed on from generation to generation.”
“I had to break out,” said Madelyn. “I did have a suicide attempt when I was 15, and I think that kind of set in everybody’s mind that she does need help.”
Rachael Braginton now works as Program Coordinator for Mental Health Foundation of West Michigan (Courtesy, WKTV)
Rachael believes stigma resided inside her, ultimately stopping her from seeking help. Even with a caring and supportive family, good grades in school, great friends and good health, one question kept circling her mind: “Why would I be feeling this way?”
“I remember wishing I could be [physically] sick to make it make sense to myself,” said Rachael.
Because she couldn’t make sense of her feelings, Rachael feared judgment from others. Afraid people would think she was lazy, or couldn’t handle a certain stage in life, she repeatedly implied that she was doing well.
“It spiraled into a hole of lies,” said Rachael. “There’s support there, but I’ve been lying to my support. So now what do I do?”
Feeling she had cut herself off from all avenues of help, Rachael attempted to take her own life.
Perpetuating Silence
Monica Ruiz was met with disbelief and indifference from people she thought would help her (Courtesy, WKTV)
While Rachael struggled with crippling silence, Monica chose to be vocal about her inner battles – and was met with painful responses.
“I don’t believe you.”
“This can’t happen…You can’t not show up.”
The comments above, made by Monica’s graduate professor and co-worker, hurt Monica deeply.
“When those things happen, it really fractures trust, and really damages the relationship to the point where I feel this person is no longer safe to be honest [with],” said Monica.
“And that perpetuates the living in silence a lot of us experience.”
Therapist and owner of The Well Being Counseling and Fitness Center, Dr. Brendan Kelly, also believes that fear of judgment is a root cause preventing people from seeking help.
You are not alone – most everyone has experienced anxiety or depression at some point (Courtesy, pxhere.com)
“People are afraid of being judged,” said Kelly, adding that people are even afraid of what their therapist might think of them.
Dr. Matthew Clark of The Clark Institute agrees: “They see it as a weakness, or something they don’t want to admit to somebody because they might feel ashamed.
“Almost everybody at one time or another has struggled with anxiety or depression, and there’s help out there. And if you get help for yourself, then you can help other people, too.”
Treatment – Understanding the journey of healing
Treatment is a journey that takes work and is an imperfect process.
“Not everybody understands that everybody is different in their treatment,” said Madelyn, admitting that it took years to realize medication did not work for her.
Instead of medication, Madelyn Musser relies on various coping skills to manage her mental health (Courtesy, WKTV)
Clark agreed, saying there is not one set therapy or treatment.
Regarding medication, Clark said, “You can try until you find a medication that works for you. And [you] may not need it forever. It might just be a short period of time to get you through this period.”
Length of time until treatment begins working also varies.
“It can take a while,” said Kelly. “We are the world’s most complex organism known to mankind. We’re all different.”
Finding a therapist you feel comfortable with can also be a challenge. Many clinics have bios and pictures of available therapists to help that process.
Affordability of treatment
“One of the worst things is that, a lot of times, financial stress is a part of why a person is struggling,” said Kelly. “I really wish insurance would just remove the deductible for mental health.”
Financial resources are available for those seeking treatment (Courtesy, pxhere.com)
Checking with your insurance provider is a good place to start. Those enrolled in Medicaid do not have a copay for mental health services. There also are foundations who provide financial help to those who need it.
Agnew’s staff includes Masters-level interns that clients can see at a much lower rate.
“It was really important to me that our services be available for people who can’t afford it,” said Agnew.
Closing the gap, filling your toolbox
While medication can help close the gap between a low point and the stability sought, having a toolbox of coping skills is also important.
“I like to say I have a toolbox with resources,” said Monica.
Movement (e.g., walking) and mindful practices such as meditation and yoga are tools Monica engages in on a regular basis. However, community is an important resource for her as well.
“At my lowest, I tend to isolate, and I don’t really want to be around anybody,” said Monica. “But I know the people [in] my circle that I trust, and that I can call in those moments, that I feel safe around.
“Getting that contact – that social contact – has been really helpful for my mental health.”
Being around other people who have experienced similar struggles can be very helpful (Courtesy, pxhere.com)
Support groups are a great way to find that human connection.
“I can’t explain how helpful it is to be in a group who all struggle with complex trauma and mental health issues, and I know they all understand,” said Monica.
Though Rachael put off participating in group therapy at first, she quickly found solace in the rapport she found there.
“We all get it,” said Rachael. “There are people who can relate, and that can be uplifting.”
A life-changing impact
Christy Buck, Founder of be nice. and Executive Director of Mental Health Foundation of West Michigan, has made it her life’s mission to provide that support system – and she does it by way of educating people about mental illness.
Removing stigma so people understand what is happening in their lives, helping people identify signs of mental illnesses, knowing where to go, and how to help themselves or others are all part of Buck’s suicide prevention program.
Julie Gregory, mother of suicide victim Jessica Gregory, encourages individuals and organizations to embrace the be nice. program.
“Get onboard with the be nice. program and encourage people to listen and train these kids on how to watch for [warning signs],” said Gregory.
(Courtesy, MHF)
To learn more about be nice. and the four simple steps to recognizing depression and preventing suicide, visit Mental Health Foundation.
Help stomp out stigma surrounding mental illness by joining the free annual be nice.Stomp Out Stigma 5K Walk event in May each year.
Resources
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. It is a free, 24/7 service that offers confidential support, information and local resources.
TRIGGER WARNING: This article contains sensitive information about depression and suicide that may be distressing or traumatic for some individuals.
Jessica Gregory (Courtesy, Julie Gregory)
At approximately 3 a.m. on March 10, 2015, 28-year-old Jessica Diane Gregory silently ended the internal pain she fought to free herself from most of her life.
Jessica’s mother, Wyoming resident Julie Gregory, prefers to focus on Jessica and her struggles versus the act of suicide when talking about her daughter’s death.
“I lost my daughter to depression, bullying and bipolar disorder,” said Gregory when talking with WKTV Journal.
Mental illness does not discriminate
Jessica had a family who loved her, was in the top 20 in her high school class of 2004, participated in sideline cheer and the competitive cheer team, ran track and had amazing friends.
Despite all of these things, Jessica was hounded by a darkness that led to physically harming herself and a suicide attempt in high school. Jessica’s internal struggle eventually spiraled into a loss of all hope.
Excerpts from Jessica’s journal and various other writings reveal the internal pain she battled daily:
Several pages of Jessica’s journal contained detailed plans of how she could end her life.
“I’m not ashamed or scared to talk about suicide or how my daughter ended her pain,” said Gregory. “We need to end the stigma surrounding suicide and mental illness. Redefine the way people talk about suicide and the way we think about suicide, and look at it as an effect of an illness.
“Why is it that the brain is the only organ in your body that will get judged for being ill?”
Gregory went on to say that those who die by suicide have lost a battle with a disease.
“They couldn’t hold on any longer,” said Gregory. “I feel it’s our job to help them hold on. Mental illness is treatable.”
‘I’m sorry, Mom. I love you.’
The last time Gregory saw her daughter alive was like a hundred others. There was nothing to indicate Jessica planned to end her life that night.
After having dinner with her family, Jessica and Gregory finished a jigsaw puzzle and began another.
Gregory had no idea Jessica purchased a handgun nine hours earlier.
Jessica’s journal and last letter to her mother (Courtesy, Deborah Reed WKTV)
At approximately 10:30 p.m., Jessica helped her mother put the puzzle table away and went home to her apartment.
After writing one last letter to her mother in pink marker – her favorite color – Jessica silently ended the pain she battled daily.
Before you ask…educate yourself
Gregory said one of the hardest questions people ask her is: “How did she do it?” Gregory’s palms turned toward the ceiling, shrugging in disbelief and saying, “Does it matter?”
An entry from Jessica’s journal (Courtesy, Deborah Reed WKTV)
What matters to Gregory is that her daughter is gone forever.
Another question Greogry repeatedly faces is, “Why didn’t you get her help?”
“We did get her help,” Gregory said vehemently. “She did go to the doctor, she was on meds, she went to therapy. She had a psychiatrist, she had a counselor, she had all these people. She had a team of people.
“You can put a mask on and show people what you want them to see,” Gregory continued. “It’s not always easy to see.”
“Even when parents, and people in general, have noticed a lot of signs, it is also possible to miss signs,” said Agnew.
Jessica with her cat, Desi (Courtesy, Julie Gregory)
When Gregory went back and looked at specific dates in Jessica’s journal, she was stunned at how well Jessica hid her true emotions.
After one particular journal entry that conveyed Jessica’s wish to die, Gregory looked back at Facebook pictures, realizing it was the same day the family attended a birthday party. All pictures from that day portrayed Jessica as happy.
Gregory thought to herself, “She was happy. That was the mask she wore. And she was thinking all day about how she could die?”
Selfishness vs. Mentally Ill
Entry from Jessica’s journal (Courtesy, Deborah Reed WKTV)
Gregory shares her daughter’s struggle because she wants others to understand that the thought process of a mentally ill person is not normal.
“I am simply showing people how the mind of my mentally ill daughter was thinking,” said Gregory. “She wasn’t looking to hurt anyone. She was ending her pain and what she thought was a life that couldn’t get better.”
Suicide is not selfish, Greogry continued. “Suicide is a desperate way to end pain, physical or mental. It is a hopelessness that things will never get better. It is a feeling that family or friends will be better off without them.
Entry from Jessica’s journal (Courtesy, Deborah Reed WKTV)
“Those who are suffering don’t want to end their lives, they want to end their pain.”
Gregory also hopes to end usage of the term “committed suicide.”
“In 1964, it was a law that it was illegal to commit suicide – but they didn’t know anything about it,” said Gregory. “Now that we know more, we can talk more about it and we don’t have to use those ‘committed’ words.”
“We say ‘died by suicide,’” Gregory continued. “Instead of focusing on the act, we focus on the person and what was going on.”
Picking up the Pieces
Gregory and her family faced a lot of “firsts” as they learned to maneuver life without Jessica. Gregory credits their faith in God and having each other to lean on as the key to their survival.
Julie Gregory is dedicated to helping others navigate the pain she endures daily (Courtesy, Deborah Reed WKTV)
The grieving mother’s main focus after losing Jessica was making sure her son, younger than Jes by 14 years, was okay. That everyone around her was okay.
And that included other people who found themselves enduring the loss of a loved one.
“I had hundreds of people send me messages,” said Gregory, adding that she welcomes those messages. “People can come to me.”
Gregory is a vocal advocate for the Mental Health Foundation of West Michigan’s be nice. program. She encourages schools and organizations to take part in the program, take action, and save lives.
However, for Gregory, personal comfort and healing comes in the form of helping those enduring the aftermath of loss. She does this through the i understand love heals program.
“For me, helping people pick themselves up after – it just hit home.”
Grieving and healing
“I didn’t have time to grieve, and I still won’t take that time to feel sorry [for myself], because I need to be 100% to help all these other people,” said Gregory.
While Gregory admits that is not the healthiest approach, she has no plans to stop being that voice for Jessica and a source of hope for those grieving.
Jessica’s last words are tattooed on Gregory’s forearm (Courtesy, Deborah Reed WKTV)
“Just to know that I’ve helped others is healing to me, and so I don’t know any other way to grieve,” Gregory said. “I grieve sitting at that big table and having new people come to the group that literally just lost their family member two weeks ago.
“And I feel their pain, and I will grieve for that family and those lost, and for Jessica.”
A voice for Jessica
Gregory proclaims herself to be an open book, refusing to hide that her daughter ended her own life.
Instead, two years after Jessica’s death, Gregory chose to open both her own life and Jessica’s to scrutiny and possible ridicule in the hopes that even one person would see – and choose – hope.
Jessica with family and friends (Courtesy, Julie Gregory)
Picking Up the Pieces is a blog that unveils Jessica’s journey, her internal pain, bullying she experienced at her job, and the aftermath Gregory endures daily since finding Jessica in her apartment nine years ago.
Gregory does not hold back, laying bare the pain and darkness – and emphasizing the glimmer of hope she knows is always present, even if not always noticed.
Though Gregory has been pushed out of her comfort zone countless times over the last several years, she embraces each challenge so she can share Jessica’s story and be that voice for her daughter.
“If I reach just one person, letting them know they aren’t alone, it is worth sharing,” said Gregory. “Or, maybe someone reading these pages who doesn’t have a mental illness will be enlightened by what is in someone’s mind that does.”
#ThereIsAlwaysHope
Jessica applied for a new job before she took her life. A job at a hospital where she could help others and could carry out her personal life mission. Multiple interviews and a job shadow followed.
A Picking Up the Pieces blog entry (Courtesy, Julie Gregory)
The darkness Jessica fought against, however, overwhelmed her before she heard their decision.
“The day after Jessica’s suicide, there was a message left on her cell phone voicemail,” said Gregory. “It was a message from the hospital she had applied at.
“She received that call one day late…”
Julie and Jessica both have a tattoo symbolizing a mother and daughter and their love for each other (Courtesy, Deborah Reed WKTV)
The timing of that voicemail is something Gregory encourages all who struggle to contemplate.
“There is always hope,” said Gregory. “No matter how bad today can be, things will get better. You can’t leave today, because tomorrow everything could change.
“Life is all hills and valleys, and for every valley that you’re in, those hills are going to be amazing.”
Monica Ruiz, in a personal place of mental health recovery for the past few years, echoes that message.
“I do believe that all suffering is temporary,” said Ruiz, adding that there will be moments of relief even in the lowest times. “So please hold on. There is help. It gets better.”
A radical resolve
Gregory’s resolve to eradicate stigma and live with hope is evident in each word of Picking Up the Pieces.
“I am determined to be more than just a survivor,” said Gregory on her blog. “I am determined to find the silver lining, I am determined to see my glass as half full, I am determined to keep talking about mental illness and the side effects that ‘Pain’ can cause some people.
“I am determined to help change the definition of suicide.”
Eradicating stigma
“The stigma needs to be lifted about mental struggles,” said Gregory. “We need to talk about it, out in the open, and not treat it like a dirty secret – those days are past. We need to continue this conversation.”
Help stomp out stigma surrounding mental illness by joining the free annual be nice.Stomp Out Stigma 5K Walk event in May each year.
The be nice. program and action plan (notice, invite, challenge, empower) educates students, staff, and community members about mental illnesses and encourages them to exchange stereotypes for understanding, compassion and acceptance.
Resources
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. It is a free, 24/7 service that offers confidential support, information and local resources.
Though the MHF has participated in the Expo for 10 years, this is the first time the Foundation will host the event.
“The reason that we decided to take it on after we were approached last year was because this is a winter event that focuses on family, togetherness and community connection,” said Jessica Jones, Communications Director for MHF. “Those are all aspects of our organization that we promote within families.
The Expo will focus on overall family wellness (Courtesy, MHF)
“We’re really trying to tap into the community and promote good mental health.”
The Expo will look similar to previous years with additional enhancements and a focus on overall family wellness. Community resources information, hourly wellness presenters, and fun interactive and educational experiences for the entire family will be available during the event.
“The Expo helps provide that little bit of escape from the winter,” said Jones. “Families are trapped inside together if the weather hasn’t been great. Changing the scenery in the winter can be more empowering than we realize.
“This gives the family an opportunity to get out, be together and have some fun.”
What to expect: new and original features
A new aspect to the Kids & Family Expo will be that all attractions and rides are included in the ticket price.
All attractions and rides are included in the ticket price (Courtesy, MHF)
“There’s no extra nickel and diming once you’re in, which was really important to us,” said Jones.
New attractions will include the Pirate’s Revenge swinging boat and Turbo Tubs, which can accommodate both kids and adults.
“The Empowerment Stage is something new this year, and we have a rotation of fun things that are happening there,” said Jones.
Included in that rotation is WOOD TV8 Chief Meteorologist Ellen Bacca presenting the popular Weather Experience. There will also be several story times for children.
John Ball Zoo will be providing animals for patrons to enjoy (Courtesy, MHF)
“We’re going to be pushing out the be nice.action plan: notice, invite, challenge, and empower,” said MHF Founder Christy Buck in an interview with eightWest. “We’re going to be reading books to kids, and they can sit and listen to a book being read and how N.I.C.E. is implemented in this book.”
Additional activities include: a petting zoo, ponies, jumbo activities, a fire engine and police car, a photo booth, archery, face painting, snake petting and more.
Various information from community organizations will be available at the Expo in addition to activities and rides. Each resource distribution station will also feature an activity.
“We’ve got all this good information, all these great resources packaged, and a whole lot of rides and fun and games for the whole family,” said Buck on eightWest.
Expo = Positive Impact
Activity and FUN can help improve mental health (Courtesy, MHF)
Everything that we do in our lives, Buck said, has to do with our overall health and mental health.
Weather, nutrition and finances are also factors that play into mental health. The Expo will have presentations and information about each of these factors.
Jones said that events like the Expo can help improve mental health for some people.
“Being active, having things to look forward to, feeling empowered following some kind of activity or event, anything that makes you feel good,” said Jones.
“For kids, these are memories that they’re going to make as they have fun with the rides. Parents are going to make memories by being with the kids and providing this experience for them.”
Families can find a multitude of resources at the Expo (Courtesy, MHF)
Resources and links
Tickets for the Kids & Family Expo can be purchased at the door or online here or here.
