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Living by faith: Local author shares hope and life lessons through memoir, God Changed My Story

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Author Tanisha Franklin shares a message of faith and hope in her memoir, God Changed My Story (Courtesy, Tanisha Franklin)


By Deborah Reed

WKTV Managing Editor

deborah@wktv.org


Local author Tanisha Franklin lives a life of faith – and is sharing her journey of faith and other life lessons through her book, God Changed My Story (GCMS).

“This is the story of my life, and I hope this will help someone learn that what they are going through is only for a season,” Franklin states in the introduction to God Changed My Story.

A call of change

Author Tanisha Franklin has set out on a journey of faith (Courtesy, Tanisha Franklin)

Born and raised in Grand Rapids, Franklin worked full-time jobs outside her home until 2020. In 2019, Franklin felt God calling her to quit her job and write her memoir. Though Franklin thought about writing a book for 20 years, she admitted she never had the courage to put pen to paper.

Franklin was nervous about not bringing in a steady income while juggling a mortgage and family expenses.

“It was difficult because I’ve never not worked,” said Franklin. “It wasn’t that I didn’t trust that my husband would take care of me, but I’ve always had my own income.”

Though she continued to feel God nudging her down a new path, Franklin stalled.

“I just kept beating around the bush,” said Franklin. “Then finally [God] gave me the specific date and said, ‘If you don’t quit your job by January 31, 2020, all these doors I have opened for you, I’m going to close, because you’re not trusting me.

“I decided to quit in 2020 to pursue writing my book.”

Little did she know her world was about to come crashing down.

A journey of heartbreak

On Oct. 28, 2020, Franklin’s 17-year-old son attempted to take his own life.

“I was just devastated,” said Franklin. “I didn’t know what to do, didn’t know where to turn.”

But Franklin was determined to get her son help. However, doctors prescribed anxiety medication without finding the true source of her son’s depression, and her son refused therapy.

During this time, Franklin found out her son had tried to end his life multiple times before.

Franklin was determined to help her son despite multiple medical roadblocks and shocking revelations (Courtesy, pxhere.com)

“He tried at 12, he tried multiple times at 15, and at this point he was 17 and tried multiple times,” said Franklin.

What followed was a heartbreaking journey of doctors and therapists, medication failures, a misdiagnosis, insurance concerns, additional suicide attempts – and the revelation that her son suffered abuse from his father at age 12.

Franklin was shocked. Though her relationship with her son’s father was abusive, she never thought he would abuse their son.

Desperate to find help, Franklin emailed yet another therapist. Before she could walk away from her computer, her phone rang. It was the therapist.

“I know it couldn’t be anybody but God,” said Franklin. “My son still sees him.”

Hitting rock bottom

Emotionally drained and fighting anxiety, Franklin began drinking wine after her children went to bed.

Franklin was unemployed and had pulled her 401K to pay their mortgage. Her husband was employed, but they were on a set budget. It felt, Franklin said, like everything was crashing down.

A medical emergency brought on by a mixture of wine, marijuana and her type 1 diabetes landed Franklin in the hospital and suffering from blackouts. Scared, Franklin began to pray.

“I heard God say, ‘You either have to be hot or cold. You have to be with me or the devil. You can’t be lukewarm.’”

Franklin realized she had not been trusting God to take care of her family or following the path God revealed to her. That needed to change, she said – and got to work.

Finding her path

In God Changed My Story, Franklin talks about her life as a child, as a single mother, a married woman and a mother. Franklin said many people feel like there is no “out” from their struggles, but she believes God is using her as a living testimony to say that isn’t true.

“Within the last year, I experienced God like no other,” said Franklin.

The book Franklin sat down to write became two…then three.

“I never had plans of writing the second book, and now there’s a third book,” said Franklin with a laugh.

“We can only go forward”

Franklin’s second book, God Changed My Story: After Healing, A New Beginning, talks about new beginnings after healing from past trauma.

“At the age of five, I was molested by a close family member,” Franklin revealed. “I held that secret for almost 30 years.”

Her parents divorced, her father disappearing from Franklin’s life shortly after. Believing her father chose to leave instead of protecting her, anger kept Franklin from seeking a relationship with him.

As an adult in search of healing from her past, Franklin finally communicated with her father. It was then Franklin learned her father was dying – and he wanted to make amends.

That conversation opened the door to a close relationship with her father before he passed two years later.

“When we’re stuck in our past, we can’t move forward or understand what God is trying to do. All these things that hurt me…it makes me stronger knowing that I can help somebody else.”

Franklin says God gives us one life – and we must live it. “We can’t go backward in time, we can only go forward.”

Opening doors for women

Franklin’s third book, God Changed My Story: I’m Not Superwoman, I’m A Good Woman, will be published by the new year – and is a devotional book for women.

“I’m talking about women [and] bringing God into the equation,” said Franklin. “God has plans for you. God loves you; even if you don’t feel love, God loves you.”

Franklin went on to say that outlandish expectations and harsh judgment are a daily reality for women.

“I want women to know they’re not superwomen…we’re human,” said Franklin. “And we have to realize that every woman comes from a different area in their lives.

“We’re so quick to judge when we don’t really know what a person’s been through. [Other people] don’t truly know you. God truly knows you.”

Natural beauty…and a podcast

Franklin also owns TJW Natural Beauty, a source of natural beauty products for women and men.

Recently, the author and entrepreneur felt called to begin the God Changed My Story podcast, featuring Franklin and three other women who talk about their life journeys.

Tanisha Franklin (second from left) began the GCMS podcast because “there is always more behind the story” (Courtesy, Tanisha Franklin)

“We can go through the same thing, but we all go through it differently, we all react to things differently,” said Franklin. “There’s always more behind the story.”

Franklin is living her dream of having a career that allows her to make her own schedule and have time for her family.

“I didn’t know that it was going to keep me this busy, but it has been wonderful,” said Franklin. “It’s a good busy, especially when you know that you’re doing God’s will.”

Franklin no longer struggles with trusting God’s plan for her life.

“I trust God like no other. I trust what God has told me, he will do. But it’s going to be in his timing. I’m not going to say it’s always easy because it’s not, [but] eventually there’s going to be light at the end.”

“If God did it for me, he’ll do it for you.” 

(Courtesy, Tanisha Franklin)

“I want to give back,” said Franklin. “I want to make a difference in my generation.”

Franklin’s desire to help others stems from her belief that God uses our stories to care for each other. She often reminds herself and others to walk by faith, not by sight.

“It’s not what it looks like right now, it’s what it will look like if we trust and walk in faith with God. You just have to be open and allow God to use you. Do that, because it makes you so much happier.

“I’ve never been so happy in my life.”

God Changed My Story resources

Learn more about Tanisha Franklin’s books here.

To receive updates on events, new book releases and podcast episodes, click here or email godchangedmystory@gcmsblessed.com.

Mental Health: Rewriting the Narrative – Part 3

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Hopeless vs. Empowered: Learn how to move from existing to living

#ThereIsAlwaysHope: empower yourself and others to go from simply existing to truly living (Courtesy, pxhere.com)


By Deborah Reed

WKTV Managing Editor

deborah@wktv.org

TRIGGER WARNING: This article contains sensitive information about depression and suicide that may be distressing or traumatic for some individuals.


Eradicate stigma through knowledge (Courtesy, pxhere.com)

Ignorance results in stigma.

Stigma prevents those who need help from seeking it.

Knowledge and self-awareness stop both ignorance and stigma in their tracks.

“I’ve learned that when people say things about suicide,” Julie Gregory, mother of suicide victim Jessica Gregory, told WKTV Journal, “they’re not saying it to be mean or callous. They’re saying it because they’re ignorant to the facts.”

Christy Buck, Executive Director of the be nice. program, provides an action plan consisting of four simple steps that equip individuals with knowledge to recognize, understand, accept, and take action regarding mental health.

  • N:  notice changes in someone’s thoughts, actions or feelings.
  • I:    invite yourself to speak up if those changes last two weeks or longer.
  • C:  challenge yourself to ask the tough questions, get help, and fight the stigma surrounding mental illness and treatment.
  • E:  empower yourself and others with the knowledge that you can have an effect on how a person thinks, acts and feels.

Self-awareness and grace

For those struggling with mental illness, self-awareness and giving themselves grace are two key components of healing.

“The more self-aware you become, you also know what your limits are,” said Dr. Valencia Agnew of Adolescent and Family Behavioral Services.

Jessica Jones of the Mental Health Foundation discusses mental health with local clinicians (from left to right) Dr. Matthew Clark, Dr. Valencia Agnew, Dr. Jim Bettenhorn, and Dr. Brendan Kelly (Courtesy, Deborah Reed WKTV)


Being aware of your thinking gives you more control, said Dr. Brendan Kelly of The Well Being Counseling and Fitness Center. “Control over things you didn’t have [before], like a sense of empowerment over yourself.”

Preparation: It’s like clockwork…I know it’s coming…

In a place of recovery for mental illness, local resident Monica Ruiz said paying close attention to what her body tells her, and how it affects her engagement in activities that keep her regulated and healthy, is key in recognizing when her mental illness is triggered.

Opting out of her regular walks, skipping support group, and not making dinner are all signs that Monica’s mental health is faltering. She then digs into her coping resource toolbox to help manage those negative symptoms.

Signs of mental illness

Signs that someone is struggling with their mental health varies from person to person, but there are several indicators that appear with regularity.

Symptoms of mental illness come in many forms (Courtesy, pxhere.com)

Changes in normal patterns lasting two weeks or more is a key symptom of mental illness. Some (but not all) signs are included below:

  • Changes in eating
  • Changes in sleeping
  • Isolating themselves
  • Not wanting to go to school or places they used to enjoy
  • Increase in crying/appearing sad
  • Changes in schoolwork
  • Violence toward themselves or others
  • Increase in crude or harmful language
  • Increase in anger/temper tantrums
  • Nothing to look forward to, such as events or the future

If you notice these signs in yourself or others, seek help.

If encountering resistance from a parent/adult, Agnew advises those struggling to say: “Even if it is a phase, what harm will it do for me to go and have someone help me? Who couldn’t benefit from support during a [difficult] phase?”

Adapting and Modifying

Simplify activities during difficult times (Courtesy, pxhere.com)

When experiencing a low point, modifying daily routines can be helpful.

“One of my first lines of defense is to modify my daily activities,” said Monica. “Pausing, being still, and taking that time.”

For a few days, dinner might consist of protein shakes or frozen dinners. Groceries might be ordered and delivered via an online app versus spending hours in a store.

However, Monica added, simplifying activities should only be a short-term solution.

Rachael Braginton, Program Coordinator for be nice., said she has experienced struggles with her own mental health. She can tell her mental health has been negatively triggered when she becomes more irritable, her energy levels dip, and she regularly feels overwhelmed.

Slow down and breathe (Courtesy, pxhere.com)

Rachael has learned to give herself grace during those times.

“It’s okay to take the evening,” said Rachael. “It’s okay to just sit. It’s okay if you’re just surviving…for a few days.”

Rachael makes a conscious effort to slow down and tell herself it is okay if everything she planned doesn’t get done. But, after taking a moment to relax, Rachael makes a revised plan: What two things am I going to do, so I feel accomplished?

And again…grace.

“You’ve got to continue to give yourself grace in that process,” said Rachael.

First steps: Reaching out

Seek help and reach out to someone you trust (Courtesy, pxhere.com)

When your mental health is triggered, reaching out to a person you trust is crucial.

“My biggest encouragement would be, find that one person who you are the most comfortable with, that you can say, ‘I’m struggling, and I don’t know what the next step is. Can you help me?’” said Rachael.

Monica agreed that finding a person you trust and who can help you navigate those first steps of the healing process is impactful.

And support is often needed more than advice.

Support vs. Advice

Though it is human nature to want to help a struggling loved one find relief or a solution, a listening ear is often most important.

“Do not fix, control or hand out advice,” said Monica, adding that she personally does not want advice most of the time. “I’m not looking to be fixed.”

Listening, empathizing and letting someone know you support them often helps the most.

“Don’t tell them you know exactly how they feel, because we don’t,” said Dr. Matthew Clark of The Clark Institute. “A lot of times people just want someone to listen, to reflect back to them what they are saying.”

Dr. Matthew Clark (left) and Dr. Valencia Agnew discuss ways to provide support to those struggling (Courtesy, WKTV)

Minimizing or invalidating an individual’s struggle is also damaging.

“Invalidation can be very harmful, and it can immediately fracture that trust and feeling of safety,” said Monica.

Rachael added that causing someone to feel shame about their struggle is also harmful.

Find a team of supportive people (Courtesy, pxhere.com)

“Most people struggling logically know what they are doing is not helpful, or logically know [that] I should be able to do X, Y, and Z. [But] I can’t,” said Rachael. “There is a logical piece to all of us, and we know it’s not right. So quick fixes – those little things – just aren’t helpful.”

Eliminate “Just” statements such as Just breathe, or Just calm down.

“If I could ‘just’ think really hard and change my chemicals, I would,” said Rachael. “But I can’t.”

Madelyn Musser, a local resident with personal mental illness experience, said to stay calm if approached by someone looking for support. Simply ask, What do you need from me? Would you like advice? Or do you just want me to listen?

“That is something so powerful, just those two little options,” said Madelyn, adding that it is important to surround yourself with supportive people. “Build a team.”

Hold space, leave space

“Leave space for silence,” said Rachael. “Allow the other person to fill it. Let them say what they need to say.”

If there is any indication someone is struggling, it is vital to ask how that person is doing and hold space for that conversation. It is also just as important to hold space for the answers you receive.

Asking someone if they are okay shows you care about them (Courtesy, pxhere.com)

“Don’t be afraid to have that conversation with someone,” said Agnew. “Nine times out of ten, they’re going to tell you [if they are thinking of suicide].

“You are not going to make someone suicidal by asking. You are not going to plant a seed.”

Clark said that simply checking in with someone is a way to show support.

“Sometimes we feel like no one really cares about what [we are] going through,” said Clark. “Sometimes we think that if they don’t ask, they don’t care.”

#ThereIsAlwaysHope

“I do believe that all suffering is temporary,” said Monica. “I do believe that, as humans, we are capable of healing ourselves, and we know what we need.

“Life experiences can get in the way of that and make us feel hopeless, that we will never get better and there is no help. But I do believe that is not true.”

All suffering is temporary – there is always hope (Courtesy, pxhere.com)

“When we sit here and say there is hope, it’s because we’ve seen it, we’ve lived it,” said Rachael.

When hope is not easy to see, Rachael urges those struggling to take it one step at a time.

“It’s not always easy, but there really is hope out there,” said Rachael.

Monica said that even in the lowest times, there will be moments of reprieve. “So please hold on. There is help. It gets better.”

Recognize your worth

“I remember the first time someone told me that I was worthy just because I existed,” said Monica. “It brought me to tears immediately.”

She continued, “It’s something I say to others. I do believe everyone really does belong here.”

Changing things up

Rewriting the narrative surrounding mental health and mental illness is long overdue. Action is how to make it happen.

Rewrite the narrative on mental illness by taking action today (Courtesy, pxhere.com)

“You change the narrative by doing something,” said Agnew. “Go talk to someone. It changes the narrative just by taking that step.”

Buck’s be nice. book visualizes the four-step suicide prevention process as a pyramid (pg. 143).

Knowledge of mental illness signs and risk factors – and how to approach them – creates the base. Confidence generated by that knowledge is the middle. At the top of the pyramid is action: the steps taken to address the concern.

Dr. Valencia Agnew shares how we can change the narrative (Courtesy, WKTV)

“Knowledge breeds confidence,” said Buck in her book (pg. 144). “Confidence breeds action.”

Increasing personal knowledge, having a support system and building resiliency are all steps to rewriting your story, or the story of a loved one.

“Any of those things can change the narrative,” said Agnew. “Literally change the narrative.

“It’s not always easy to do, but it is possible to do, and it is well worth the investment. You get to go from existing, to living.”

Eradicate Stigma

To learn more about be nice. and the four simple steps to recognizing depression and preventing suicide, visit the Mental Health Foundation.

Help stomp out stigma surrounding mental illness by joining the free annual be nice. Stomp Out Stigma 5K Walk event in May each year.

*Find more Mental Health: Rewriting the Narrative resources by clicking here.

Resources

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. It is a free, 24/7 service that offers confidential support, information and local resources.

You can also text “HOME” to the Crisis Text Line: 741741, or text “nice” to the Crisis Text Line: 741741 to be connected with a be nice. crisis counselor.

Search for local treatment in your area: Local Resources.

Support for LGBTQ youth: The Trevor Project.


Click here for full video: Lived Experience

Mental Health: Rewriting the Narrative – Part 2

3-bottom, Citizen Journalism, Community Health, Health, How-To's, Kent County, Local Faces, Voices, West Michigan, , , , , , , ,

Suicide survivors and clinicians challenge stigma surrounding mental illness

Stigma surrounding mental illness can be eradicated through knowledge and understanding (Courtesy, pxhere.com)


By Deborah Reed

WKTV Managing Editor

deborah@wktv.org

TRIGGER WARNING: This article contains sensitive information about depression and suicide that may be distressing or traumatic for some individuals.


Madelyn Musser was 15 years old when she attempted suicide. Rachael Braginton attempted to end her life as a freshman in college.

It was several years before Monica Ruiz realized her depressive episodes and struggles with suicide were a result of complex trauma from her childhood and the resulting PTSD.

These three local women sat down with WKTV Journal to share their mental health journeys in the hopes of eradicating stigma surrounding mental illness.

Moderated by Jessica Jones of Mental Health Foundation of West Michigan, lived experience participants (left to right) Madelyn Musser, Monica Ruiz and Rachael Braginton discussed the stigma and challenges of mental disorders (Courtesy, Deborah Reed WKTV)


Managing their mental health journey is a daily endeavor for millions of people worldwide. It is one undertaken and shared by these three local women. Joined by local clinicians and the Mental Health Foundation, they strive to rewrite the narrative surrounding their struggles.

Stigma: Victims of our own conditioning

You are going through: hormone changes, emotions, being ‘that age.’

But you have: a loving family, material possessions, a roof over your head.

All of the above are a fraction of what Madelyn and Monica heard from doctors and family members over the years as they struggled to understand a persistent sense of hopelessness.

Harmful beliefs and narratives make it difficult for those suffering to receive help (Courtesy, pxhere.com)

“I don’t think my family are bad people,” said Monica. “I think they’re just a product of the culture in which we live, and these harmful beliefs or narratives that have been passed on from generation to generation.”

“I had to break out,” said Madelyn. “I did have a suicide attempt when I was 15, and I think that kind of set in everybody’s mind that she does need help.”

Rachael Braginton now works as Program Coordinator for Mental Health Foundation of West Michigan (Courtesy, WKTV)

Rachael believes stigma resided inside her, ultimately stopping her from seeking help. Even with a caring and supportive family, good grades in school, great friends and good health, one question kept circling her mind: “Why would I be feeling this way?”

“I remember wishing I could be [physically] sick to make it make sense to myself,” said Rachael.

Because she couldn’t make sense of her feelings, Rachael feared judgment from others. Afraid people would think she was lazy, or couldn’t handle a certain stage in life, she repeatedly implied that she was doing well.

“It spiraled into a hole of lies,” said Rachael. “There’s support there, but I’ve been lying to my support. So now what do I do?”

Feeling she had cut herself off from all avenues of help, Rachael attempted to take her own life.

Perpetuating Silence

Monica Ruiz was met with disbelief and indifference from people she thought would help her (Courtesy, WKTV)

While Rachael struggled with crippling silence, Monica chose to be vocal about her inner battles – and was met with painful responses.

“I don’t believe you.”

“This can’t happen…You can’t not show up.”

The comments above, made by Monica’s graduate professor and co-worker, hurt Monica deeply.

“When those things happen, it really fractures trust, and really damages the relationship to the point where I feel this person is no longer safe to be honest [with],” said Monica.

“And that perpetuates the living in silence a lot of us experience.”

Therapist and owner of The Well Being Counseling and Fitness Center, Dr. Brendan Kelly, also believes that fear of judgment is a root cause preventing people from seeking help.

You are not alone – most everyone has experienced anxiety or depression at some point (Courtesy, pxhere.com)

“People are afraid of being judged,” said Kelly, adding that people are even afraid of what their therapist might think of them.

Dr. Matthew Clark of The Clark Institute agrees: “They see it as a weakness, or something they don’t want to admit to somebody because they might feel ashamed.

“Almost everybody at one time or another has struggled with anxiety or depression, and there’s help out there. And if you get help for yourself, then you can help other people, too.”

Treatment – Understanding the journey of healing

Treatment is a journey that takes work and is an imperfect process.

“Not everybody understands that everybody is different in their treatment,” said Madelyn, admitting that it took years to realize medication did not work for her.

Instead of medication, Madelyn Musser relies on various coping skills to manage her mental health (Courtesy, WKTV)

Clark agreed, saying there is not one set therapy or treatment.

Regarding medication, Clark said, “You can try until you find a medication that works for you. And [you] may not need it forever. It might just be a short period of time to get you through this period.”

Length of time until treatment begins working also varies.

“It can take a while,” said Kelly. “We are the world’s most complex organism known to mankind. We’re all different.”

Finding a therapist you feel comfortable with can also be a challenge. Many clinics have bios and pictures of available therapists to help that process.

Affordability of treatment

“One of the worst things is that, a lot of times, financial stress is a part of why a person is struggling,” said Kelly. “I really wish insurance would just remove the deductible for mental health.”

Financial resources are available for those seeking treatment (Courtesy, pxhere.com)

Checking with your insurance provider is a good place to start. Those enrolled in Medicaid do not have a copay for mental health services. There also are foundations who provide financial help to those who need it.

Agnew’s staff includes Masters-level interns that clients can see at a much lower rate.

“It was really important to me that our services be available for people who can’t afford it,” said Agnew.

Closing the gap, filling your toolbox

While medication can help close the gap between a low point and the stability sought, having a toolbox of coping skills is also important.

“I like to say I have a toolbox with resources,” said Monica.

Movement (e.g., walking) and mindful practices such as meditation and yoga are tools Monica engages in on a regular basis. However, community is an important resource for her as well.

“At my lowest, I tend to isolate, and I don’t really want to be around anybody,” said Monica. “But I know the people [in] my circle that I trust, and that I can call in those moments, that I feel safe around.

“Getting that contact – that social contact – has been really helpful for my mental health.”

Being around other people who have experienced similar struggles can be very helpful (Courtesy, pxhere.com)

Support groups are a great way to find that human connection.

“I can’t explain how helpful it is to be in a group who all struggle with complex trauma and mental health issues, and I know they all understand,” said Monica.

Though Rachael put off participating in group therapy at first, she quickly found solace in the rapport she found there.

“We all get it,” said Rachael. “There are people who can relate, and that can be uplifting.”

A life-changing impact

Christy Buck, Founder of be nice. and Executive Director of Mental Health Foundation of West Michigan, has made it her life’s mission to provide that support system – and she does it by way of educating people about mental illness.

Removing stigma so people understand what is happening in their lives, helping people identify signs of mental illnesses, knowing where to go, and how to help themselves or others are all part of Buck’s suicide prevention program.

Julie Gregory, mother of suicide victim Jessica Gregory, encourages individuals and organizations to embrace the be nice. program.

“Get onboard with the be nice. program and encourage people to listen and train these kids on how to watch for [warning signs],” said Gregory.

(Courtesy, MHF)

To learn more about be nice. and the four simple steps to recognizing depression and preventing suicide, visit Mental Health Foundation.

Help stomp out stigma surrounding mental illness by joining the free annual be nice. Stomp Out Stigma 5K Walk event in May each year.

Resources

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. It is a free, 24/7 service that offers confidential support, information and local resources.

You can also text “HOME” to the Crisis Text Line: 741741, or text “nice” to the Crisis Text Line: 741741 to be connected with a be nice. crisis counselor.

Search for local treatment in your area: Local Resources.

Support for LGBTQ youth: The Trevor Project.

*Find more Mental Health: Rewriting the Narrative resources by clicking here.


Click here for full video: Clinician Experience

Mental Health: Rewriting the Narrative – Part 1

1-featured, Citizen Journalism, Community Health, Health, How-To's, Kent County, Local Faces, medical moment, Voices, West Michigan, , , , , , , ,

A grieving mother gives voice to her daughter’s pain

Jessica Gregory’s journal and last letter to her mother (Courtesy, Deborah Reed WKTV)


By Deborah Reed

WKTV Managing Editor

deborah@wktv.org

TRIGGER WARNING: This article contains sensitive information about depression and suicide that may be distressing or traumatic for some individuals.


Jessica Gregory (Courtesy, Julie Gregory)

At approximately 3 a.m. on March 10, 2015, 28-year-old Jessica Diane Gregory silently ended the internal pain she fought to free herself from most of her life.

Jessica’s mother, Wyoming resident Julie Gregory, prefers to focus on Jessica and her struggles versus the act of suicide when talking about her daughter’s death.

“I lost my daughter to depression, bullying and bipolar disorder,” said Gregory when talking with WKTV Journal.

Mental illness does not discriminate

Jessica had a family who loved her, was in the top 20 in her high school class of 2004, participated in sideline cheer and the competitive cheer team, ran track and had amazing friends.

Despite all of these things, Jessica was hounded by a darkness that led to physically harming herself and a suicide attempt in high school. Jessica’s internal struggle eventually spiraled into a loss of all hope.

Excerpts from Jessica’s journal and various other writings reveal the internal pain she battled daily:

Several pages of Jessica’s journal contained detailed plans of how she could end her life.

“I’m not ashamed or scared to talk about suicide or how my daughter ended her pain,” said Gregory. “We need to end the stigma surrounding suicide and mental illness. Redefine the way people talk about suicide and the way we think about suicide, and look at it as an effect of an illness.

“Why is it that the brain is the only organ in your body that will get judged for being ill?”

Gregory went on to say that those who die by suicide have lost a battle with a disease.

“They couldn’t hold on any longer,” said Gregory. “I feel it’s our job to help them hold on. Mental illness is treatable.”

‘I’m sorry, Mom. I love you.’

The last time Gregory saw her daughter alive was like a hundred others. There was nothing to indicate Jessica planned to end her life that night.

After having dinner with her family, Jessica and Gregory finished a jigsaw puzzle and began another.

Gregory had no idea Jessica purchased a handgun nine hours earlier.

Jessica’s journal and last letter to her mother (Courtesy, Deborah Reed WKTV)

At approximately 10:30 p.m., Jessica helped her mother put the puzzle table away and went home to her apartment.

After writing one last letter to her mother in pink marker – her favorite color – Jessica silently ended the pain she battled daily.

Before you ask…educate yourself

Gregory said one of the hardest questions people ask her is: “How did she do it?” Gregory’s palms turned toward the ceiling, shrugging in disbelief and saying, “Does it matter?”

An entry from Jessica’s journal (Courtesy, Deborah Reed WKTV)

What matters to Gregory is that her daughter is gone forever.

Another question Greogry repeatedly faces is, “Why didn’t you get her help?”

“We did get her help,” Gregory said vehemently. “She did go to the doctor, she was on meds, she went to therapy. She had a psychiatrist, she had a counselor, she had all these people. She had a team of people.

“You can put a mask on and show people what you want them to see,” Gregory continued. “It’s not always easy to see.”

Dr. Valencia Agnew of Adolescent and Family Behavioral Services agrees.

“Even when parents, and people in general, have noticed a lot of signs, it is also possible to miss signs,” said Agnew.

Jessica with her cat, Desi (Courtesy, Julie Gregory)

When Gregory went back and looked at specific dates in Jessica’s journal, she was stunned at how well Jessica hid her true emotions.

After one particular journal entry that conveyed Jessica’s wish to die, Gregory looked back at Facebook pictures, realizing it was the same day the family attended a birthday party. All pictures from that day portrayed Jessica as happy.

Gregory thought to herself, “She was happy. That was the mask she wore. And she was thinking all day about how she could die?”

Selfishness vs. Mentally Ill

Entry from Jessica’s journal (Courtesy, Deborah Reed WKTV)

Gregory shares her daughter’s struggle because she wants others to understand that the thought process of a mentally ill person is not normal.

“I am simply showing people how the mind of my mentally ill daughter was thinking,” said Gregory. “She wasn’t looking to hurt anyone. She was ending her pain and what she thought was a life that couldn’t get better.”

Suicide is not selfish, Greogry continued. “Suicide is a desperate way to end pain, physical or mental. It is a hopelessness that things will never get better. It is a feeling that family or friends will be better off without them.

Entry from Jessica’s journal (Courtesy, Deborah Reed WKTV)

“Those who are suffering don’t want to end their lives, they want to end their pain.”

Gregory also hopes to end usage of the term “committed suicide.”

“In 1964, it was a law that it was illegal to commit suicide – but they didn’t know anything about it,” said Gregory. “Now that we know more, we can talk more about it and we don’t have to use those ‘committed’ words.”

“We say ‘died by suicide,’” Gregory continued. “Instead of focusing on the act, we focus on the person and what was going on.”

Picking up the Pieces

Gregory and her family faced a lot of “firsts” as they learned to maneuver life without Jessica. Gregory credits their faith in God and having each other to lean on as the key to their survival.

Julie Gregory is dedicated to helping others navigate the pain she endures daily (Courtesy, Deborah Reed WKTV)

The grieving mother’s main focus after losing Jessica was making sure her son, younger than Jes by 14 years, was okay. That everyone around her was okay.

And that included other people who found themselves enduring the loss of a loved one.

“I had hundreds of people send me messages,” said Gregory, adding that she welcomes those messages. “People can come to me.”

Gregory is a vocal advocate for the Mental Health Foundation of West Michigan’s be nice. program. She encourages schools and organizations to take part in the program, take action, and save lives.

However, for Gregory, personal comfort and healing comes in the form of helping those enduring the aftermath of loss. She does this through the i understand love heals program.

“For me, helping people pick themselves up after – it just hit home.”

Grieving and healing

“I didn’t have time to grieve, and I still won’t take that time to feel sorry [for myself], because I need to be 100% to help all these other people,” said Gregory.

While Gregory admits that is not the healthiest approach, she has no plans to stop being that voice for Jessica and a source of hope for those grieving.

Jessica’s last words are tattooed on Gregory’s forearm (Courtesy, Deborah Reed WKTV)

“Just to know that I’ve helped others is healing to me, and so I don’t know any other way to grieve,” Gregory said. “I grieve sitting at that big table and having new people come to the group that literally just lost their family member two weeks ago.

“And I feel their pain, and I will grieve for that family and those lost, and for Jessica.”

A voice for Jessica

Gregory proclaims herself to be an open book, refusing to hide that her daughter ended her own life.

Instead, two years after Jessica’s death, Gregory chose to open both her own life and Jessica’s to scrutiny and possible ridicule in the hopes that even one person would see – and choose – hope.

Jessica with family and friends (Courtesy, Julie Gregory)

Picking Up the Pieces is a blog that unveils Jessica’s journey, her internal pain, bullying she experienced at her job, and the aftermath Gregory endures daily since finding Jessica in her apartment nine years ago.

Gregory does not hold back, laying bare the pain and darkness – and emphasizing the glimmer of hope she knows is always present, even if not always noticed.

Though Gregory has been pushed out of her comfort zone countless times over the last several years, she embraces each challenge so she can share Jessica’s story and be that voice for her daughter.

“If I reach just one person, letting them know they aren’t alone, it is worth sharing,” said Gregory. “Or, maybe someone reading these pages who doesn’t have a mental illness will be enlightened by what is in someone’s mind that does.”

#ThereIsAlwaysHope

Jessica applied for a new job before she took her life. A job at a hospital where she could help others and could carry out her personal life mission. Multiple interviews and a job shadow followed.

A Picking Up the Pieces blog entry (Courtesy, Julie Gregory)

The darkness Jessica fought against, however, overwhelmed her before she heard their decision.

“The day after Jessica’s suicide, there was a message left on her cell phone voicemail,” said Gregory. “It was a message from the hospital she had applied at.

“She received that call one day late…”

Julie and Jessica both have a tattoo symbolizing a mother and daughter and their love for each other (Courtesy, Deborah Reed WKTV)

The timing of that voicemail is something Gregory encourages all who struggle to contemplate.

“There is always hope,” said Gregory. “No matter how bad today can be, things will get better. You can’t leave today, because tomorrow everything could change.

“Life is all hills and valleys, and for every valley that you’re in, those hills are going to be amazing.”

Monica Ruiz, in a personal place of mental health recovery for the past few years, echoes that message.

“I do believe that all suffering is temporary,” said Ruiz, adding that there will be moments of relief even in the lowest times. “So please hold on. There is help. It gets better.”

A radical resolve

Gregory’s resolve to eradicate stigma and live with hope is evident in each word of Picking Up the Pieces.

“I am determined to be more than just a survivor,” said Gregory on her blog. “I am determined to find the silver lining, I am determined to see my glass as half full, I am determined to keep talking about mental illness and the side effects that ‘Pain’ can cause some people.

“I am determined to help change the definition of suicide.”

Eradicating stigma 

“The stigma needs to be lifted about mental struggles,” said Gregory. “We need to talk about it, out in the open, and not treat it like a dirty secret – those days are past. We need to continue this conversation.”

Help stomp out stigma surrounding mental illness by joining the free annual be nice. Stomp Out Stigma 5K Walk event in May each year.

The be nice. program and action plan (notice, invite, challenge, empower) educates students, staff, and community members about mental illnesses and encourages them to exchange stereotypes for understanding, compassion and acceptance.

Resources

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. It is a free, 24/7 service that offers confidential support, information and local resources.

You can also text “HOME” to the Crisis Text Line: 741741, or text “nice” to the Crisis Text Line: 741741 to be connected with a be nice. crisis counselor.

Search for local treatment in your area: Local Resources.

Support for LGBTQ youth: The Trevor Project.

*Find more Mental Health: Rewriting the Narrative resources by clicking here.


Click here for full video: Lived Experience

St. Baldrick’s head-shaving event on March 6 benefits childhood cancer research

Community Health, Health, Local Entertainment, Non-Profits, Upcoming Events, Volunteers, , , , ,

st baldricks-reidBy Victoria Mullen

 

No, Virginia. There is no St. Baldrick. Nope, no such saint. But there is a St. Baldrick’s Foundation. And every year, people around the U.S. and in some countries shave their heads to raise awareness and money to fund childhood cancer research.

 

St. Baldrick’s Foundation is a volunteer-driven charity that funds more in childhood cancer research grants than any organization except the U.S. government. Its name is a combination of “St. Patrick’s Day” and the word, “bald.” People who shave their heads are known as “Shavees.”

 

Things sure have changed since the event’s inception on March 17, 2000, at Jim Brady’s Bar and Restaurant in New York City. What began as a challenge between three friends has morphed into the world’s largest volunteer-driven fundraiser to benefit childhood cancer research.baldricks 2

 

Childhood cancer affects thousands of kids and families around the world each year. It’s the #1 disease killer of children in the U.S. The statistics are sobering: Worldwide, a child is diagnosed every three minutes. (Worldwide, 175,000 children are diagnosed with cancer each year.) And in the U.S., more children die of childhood cancer than any other disease—more than AIDS, asthma, cystic fibrosis, congenital anomalies and diabetes combined.

 

Approximately 1 in 285 kids in the U.S. will be diagnosed with cancer before they turn 20. What’s particularly tragic is that at the average age of 6, kids will lose 71 years of life to cancer. They won’t grow up, marry or have children of their own.

baldricks

 

“I can’t wait for the event!” said Patrick Schrager, who is organizing the March 6 event. This will be his eighth year as a Shavee and his third year running an event. His fundraising goal is $15,000. If you’re interested in making a donation on Schrager’s head, go to St. Baldrick’s website or call 888.899.BALD.

 

Now you won’t be blindsided when you happen across a bunch of bald folks Sunday, March 6, at 84th Street Pub & Grille (8282 Pfeiffer Farms Dr SW, Byron Center). Au contraire. You’ll know that they stand in solidarity with kids being treated for cancer.