Tag Archives: Kylie Rymanowicz

Talking to children about violent events

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By Kylie Rymanowicz, Michigan State University Extension


The world can be confusing and scary, even for adults. In times of public violence and loss, everyone is impacted, especially young children. Incidences of violence and hate have a lasting impact on individuals and on our country as a whole. Here are some things you can keep in mind as you talk about violent events with young children.


Ask them what they know. Ask your child to tell you what they think they know or understand about the situation. Children often have misconceptions or a limited understanding of a complex issue, so start by asking them what they know. You can clear up any misconceptions and get a better understanding of what might be bothering your child about the situation.


Establish a dialogue. Talk openly with your child about what happened. Tell your child the facts about what happened, why it happened and what the result was. Take the lead from your child on how much information they are ready to hear, so keep your responses brief and look for cues that your child either needs to be done talking or wants more information.


Tell the truth. Give your child the facts and keep the information you share age-appropriate. Avoiding talking about traumatic events or telling white lies can actually make children more afraid if they think you are hiding something from them. It’s not easy to talk to children about issues like racism, hate or violence, but it is so important we do.


Educate yourself. If you are not confident that you truly understand the issues surrounding an act of violence, look to trustworthy resources to educate yourself. It’s OK to tell your child you don’t know or understand all the details surrounding an issue. You can always respond to a question with, “I’m not sure, but I will look into it and then we can talk about it some more.”


Talk about your feelings. It’s OK to let children know you are sad, scared or angry about violence in our world. Tell them how those violent acts make you feel; this act gives power to those emotions that your young child is experiencing as well. They will learn to trust their own emotions and emotional reactions to violence and other trauma when you share yours openly with them.


Accept their emotions. It’s tempting to want to minimize a child’s emotional response because we don’t want them to be anxious, sad or scared. It’s important we allow children to express themselves openly and we accept whatever they are feeling. Maybe they are angry or confused instead of just sad. All feelings are OK, even if they differ from yours. Children should have an outlet for processing their emotions. Some may want to just talk while others may process by writing, drawing or thinking on their own.


Love and reassure them. Children need parents and other families to be a steady foundation—they don’t need you to be perfect or happy all the time. Your calm and reassuring presence can help them work through tough situations and feelings and find calm and comfort. Show them affection, spend quality time together doing things you both enjoy and tell them how much you love them.


Be available. Unfortunately, violence is not a one-time event, and it’s not something anyone can just “get over.” Be available to continue to support, comfort and talk to your child about their feelings. Check in with them regularly to see how they are doing and if they need any additional support from you.


Limit exposure. The 24-hour news cycle means that stories about violent acts get replayed over and over again on many different media outlets from news television broadcasts and newspapers to social media, YouTube and in our daily conversations. Limit your young child’s exposure to the constant talk about violent events, as this may increase their anxiety or confusion of the issue. Instead, make sure you take the time to connect with them to talk about and process what has happened.


Provide resources and support. Sometimes the impact of a violent event can be severe. If your child continues to struggle with processing a violent event, or if they are having a hard time coping and you can’t seem to comfort them, you may need to reach out to others to find resources and support for your young child. Ask your child’s doctor or school social worker for help finding supports for your child.


Children are constantly learning and trying to make sense of the world, but sometimes the world doesn’t make sense. You can help children by being present with them, engaging in conversation and dialogue and giving them unconditional love and support.


Check out these resources from The American Academy of Pediatrics, The National Association of School Psychologists, The National Institute of Mental Health and Zero to Three for additional information.


For more articles on child development, academic success, parenting and life skill development, please visit the Michigan State University Extension website.


To learn about the positive impact children and families are experience due to MSU Extension programs, read our 2017 Impact Report. Additional impact reports, highlighting even more ways Michigan 4-H and MSU Extension positively impacted individuals and communities in 2017, can be downloaded from the MSU Extension website.


This article was published by Michigan State University Extension. For more information, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu. To have a digest of information delivered straight to your email inbox, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu/newsletters. To contact an expert in your area, visit http://expert.msue.msu.edu, or call 888-MSUE4MI (888-678-3464).

The key to success is failure

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Courtesy MSU Extension

By Kylie Rymanowicz, Michigan State University Extension

 

No one is great at something the first time they try it. Success comes from hard work, practice and, yes, even failure. When young children are learning to walk they have to fall down again and again and again in order to master the balance they need to stand upright (and even then, they will still fall down). When learning to feed themselves, tie their shoes or master long division, children have to try, practice and learn from their missteps and try again in order to master their new skills. You can help your child learn from their failures and use those failures to work towards great successes.

 

Michigan State University Extension suggests the following ways to help your child learn to succeed through failure.

 

Encourage your child to take risks and try new things. Trying new things can be scary, especially if we are worried that if we try, we will ultimately fail. Give your child encouragement to try things outside of their comfort zone, and attempt things they might not be good at right away. By taking risks and trying new things, your child can overcome their fear of failing and learn that when you take risks, you learn so many new things and practice new skills.

 

Emphasize your child’s efforts. Not every effort will result in success. When your child is trying to draw a unicorn for the first time, it likely won’t be a perfect picture. This may be discouraging for your child, but try focusing on emphasizing their efforts. You can talk about their work they put into the project, “You worked so hard on this drawing. You tried something new, you did your best! I’m proud of you for working so hard!” Remind your child that great things happen over time; even famous artists start with a rough draft.

 

Teach problem-solving skills. Failure often makes us feel stuck and can make someone feel like giving up. Teach your child that through hard work and effort, you can work to solve problems. If they are trying to learn a new skateboarding trick and they just can’t seem to pick it up, help them think about what they can do to solve their problem. Is there someone who knows that trick who can help them? Can they watch a video on YouTube that will help them figure out what they need to do differently? Help your child think about what they can do to keep working and trying.

 

Value hard work. Show your child that you value hard work by noticing it happen all around you. Notice those who work hard around you and in your child’s life. Point out the construction workers who are working hard in rain to repair the roads. Write a thank-you note to your mail carrier who works extra hard during the holiday season to help deliver gifts and goodies. Showing gratefulness and appreciation for those that work hard will show your child that hard work is to be valued.

 

Engage in self-praise. When children hear you praise yourself, they learn to do the same. Show off your hard work and that you can be proud of yourself for not giving up on tasks that are hard. When you work hard, say out loud, “I’m so proud of myself! I was having a hard time figuring out how to fix the TV, but I kept trying and I did it! Go me!”

 

Help your child adopt a growth mindset. Show your young child that making mistakes and failing is normal and something that happens to everyone. It means you tried something new. Failure doesn’t mean an ending—it’s just the beginning. You can teach your child to be a hardworking problem solver that can turn their failures into successes.

 

For more articles on child development, academic success, parenting and life skill development, please visit the Michigan State University Extension website.

 

To learn about the positive impact children and families experience due to MSU Extension programs, read our 2017 impact report. Additional impact reports, highlighting even more ways Michigan 4-H and MSU Extension positively impacted individuals and communities in 2017, can be downloaded from the Michigan 4-H website.

 

This article was published by Michigan State University Extension. For more information, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu. To have a digest of information delivered straight to your email inbox, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu/newsletters. To contact an expert in your area, visit http://expert.msue.msu.edu, or call 888-MSUE4MI (888-678-3464).

Alternatives to birthday parties

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By Kylie Rymanowicz, Michigan State University Extension

 

Birthday celebrations for children have become grand and often expensive affairs. People share photos of meticulously planned and themed parties for their children and there’s often a lot of social pressure to have the perfect party for your child. These parties can be expensive, difficult to plan and stressful. There are lots of meaningful ways to celebrate your child’s birthday that aren’t big, fancy parties. Michigan State University Extension has some ideas for alternative birthday celebrations for your child.

 

Community service or volunteer project. Encourage your child to spend their birthday giving back. Find a community service or volunteer project that matches your child’s interests. Your animal-loving child can volunteer at an animal shelter, or your nature-loving child could participate in a river clean up.

 

Go on an adventure. Even if you can’t take a big vacation, you could have a mini-getaway for your child’s birthday, even if it’s just a day trip. Hop in the car and take a mini-road trip to visit someplace you’ve never been or visit family or friends.

 

Plan an event. Allow your child to pick an event to attend on or around their birthday. Maybe there’s a play, concert or sporting event they would love to see. You could also offer to bring a few of their closest friends to really make the event special.

 

Make it a day of surprises. You can plan your child’s day and not tell them what will happen—make it a day of surprises. Plan a special meal, trip or activity, something you know your child will love! Surprise them with a list of the reasons that you love them, or with the people they love to be around.

 

Have a day of favorites. Give your child a day of favorites—eat their favorite meals, do their favorite things, see their favorite people, watch their favorite movie. Make their special day all about what makes them special.

 

Make it meaningful. However you celebrate your child’s birthday, you can make it a really meaningful day. Have your child reflect on their last year: What were they most proud of? What were their successes? What friends did they make? What did they accomplish? Ask them to think about what they wish for the next year: What do they want to achieve/get better at/explore?

 

Despite the many Pinterest pages devoted to excessive children’s birthday parties, your child’s celebration does not need to be big, extravagant or expensive to be special. Choose a celebration that works for your family, your budget and what it is you really want to celebrate.

 

For more articles on child development, academic success, parenting and life skill development, please visit the Michigan State University Extension website.

 

To learn about the positive impact children and families experience due to MSU Extension programs, read our 2017 impact report. Additional impact reports, highlighting even more ways Michigan 4-H and MSU Extension positively impacted individuals and communities in 2017, can be downloaded from the Michigan 4-H website.

 

This article was published by Michigan State University Extension. For more information, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu. To have a digest of information delivered straight to your email inbox, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu/newsletters. To contact an expert in your area, visit http://expert.msue.msu.edu, or call 888-MSUE4MI (888-678-3464). Reprinted with permission.

‘Sharenting’: The downside to posting about your children on social media

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By Kylie Rymanowicz, Michigan State University Extension

 

Social media can help you connect to friends and family across the globe and it can help you feel connected when things get tough. ‘Sharenting’, or “parenting and sharing,” is a relatively new term used to describe parents using social media to share photographs, videos and information about their children.

 

Studies have shown that parents use social media for a variety of reasons and in a variety of ways. A Pew study found that social media is being used as a parenting tool and resource. They found that 74 percent of parents reported receiving support on social media, including social emotional support. Parents are using multiple platforms like Facebook, Pinterest, LinkedIn, Instagram and Twitter. A poll conducted by C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital found that parents commonly shared about getting kids to sleep, nutrition, discipline, child care/preschool and behavior problems. This survey also indicated that social media helps many parents feel like they aren’t alone.

 

“Oversharenting” refers to those parents who overshare on social media about their children. While a parent may not see any problem with what they are posting about their children, older children have expressed concern and frustration. In a 2016 study, Alexis Hiniker, Sarita Schoenebeck and Julie Kientz surveyed parents and children about family rules and perceptions regarding technology use. They found that many children were concerned about their parents oversharing content on social media and sharing without the child’s permission. They reported feeling embarrassed and frustrated that their parents made decisions about their online presence without consulting them.

 

Should you be consented about sharenting or oversharenting? The overall consensus is yes. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, there are risks associated with posting about your child online.

 

Your child doesn’t get a say. We give children choices about all sorts of things. To empower and protect children, we teach them to take ownership of their bodies by letting them choose if they want to kiss or hug relatives and teaching body safety. We teach them to respect privacy, like knocking before you enter a room. However, when we post about them without their consent, we are not respecting their self-ownership, privacy or opinions.

 

You do not have control. Once you post something on social media, it belongs to the world. You cannot control who has access to it or how someone might use it. Even when your profiles are kept private or locked down, you do not have control over what someone you gave access to it might do with it. Many parents have faced digital kidnapping, when someone on the internet “steals” a picture of your child and uses it on social media to claim that it’s their own child.

 

There are very real safety concerns. When you post specific information about your child online, like their full name, age, where they go to school or child care, you risk someone you don’t trust being able to gain access to your child. Innocent photos and videos have also made their way to explicit adult-oriented and other unsavory sites.

 

For more articles on child development, academic success, parenting and life skill development, please visit the Michigan State University Extension website.

 

To learn about the positive impact children and families experience due to MSU Extension programs, read our 2017 impact report. Additional impact reports, highlighting even more ways Michigan 4-H and MSU Extension positively impacted individuals and communities in 2017, can be downloaded from the Michigan 4-H website.

 

This article was published by Michigan State University Extension. For more information, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu. To have a digest of information delivered straight to your email inbox, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu/newsletters. To contact an expert in your area, visit http://expert.msue.msu.edu, or call 888-MSUE4MI (888-678-3464). Reprinted with permission.

Being responsive to your child’s cues

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Courtesy Michigan State University Extension

By Kylie Rymanowicz, Michigan State University Extension

 

Humans communicate quite a bit without ever speaking. This is called nonverbal communication—gestures, facial expressions or postures that communicate feelings without using any words. If you’re speaking to someone and they are turning away from you and looking at their watch, they are communicating they either have to go or they want to stop talking. Without using any words, they can tell us what they need or want.

 

Babies, toddlers and young children are sending us nonverbal cues all the time. A baby cries when they are hungry or wet because they can’t tell you what they need with words. A toddler might grab your hand and lead you to the kitchen to tell you they are hungry or hide behind you at a family reunion to say they are overwhelmed.

 

When we take the time to pay attention to, recognize and understand a child’s point of view, we can help better understand their behaviors. Understanding why a child is doing something makes it easier to react to them in a way that is responsive to their needs.

 

Michigan State University Extension has the following suggestions for being responsive to your child’s cues.

 

Think about the “why?” When your child does something, take time to think about why they might be doing it. What are they trying to communicate to you? Do they need something from you to meet their needs?

 

Respond, don’t react. Instead of reacting with your own strong emotions when your child does something, take a minute to think about how to respond. You might want to yell when your child draws on the wall with crayons, but if you take a minute to think, you can respond calmly and address their needs.

 

Make sure your child’s needs are met. Sometimes children misbehave or have strong emotional outbursts when their needs aren’t met. You can be responsive to your child by making sure they have what they need to be happy and successful. Are they eating enough? Getting enough sleep? Have they gotten enough hugs, kisses and attention?

 

Be responsive. It’s sometimes easy to take a “one-size-fits-all” solution to solving problems with young children. For example, sending a child to time-out anytime they have broken a rule. It is much more effective to respond to your child’s specific cues or needs. When your child draws on the wall with crayons, they might be telling you they are bored and need help to release their energy in a productive way. Tailor your response to your child’s behaviors to fit their specific needs

 

When you respond to your child’s cues, they feel loved, understood and less frustrated. Tune in to your child’s cues, be calm and responsive and you can build a strong and supportive relationship with your child.

 

For more articles on child development, academic success, parenting and life skill development, please visit the Michigan State University Extension website.

 

To learn about the positive impact children and families experience due to MSU Extension programs, read our 2017 impact report. Additional impact reports, highlighting even more ways Michigan 4-H and MSU Extension positively impacted individuals and communities in 2017, can be downloaded from the Michigan 4-H website.

 

This article was published by Michigan State University Extension. For more information, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu. To have a digest of information delivered straight to your email inbox, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu/newsletters. To contact an expert in your area, visit http://expert.msue.msu.edu, or call 888-MSUE4MI (888-678-3464).

Developing family rules

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Courtesy Michigan State University Extension

By Kylie Rymanowicz, Michigan State University Extension

 

Setting family rules is the first step to establishing boundaries for your child’s behavior. Rules tell your children what you value, what is important to you and your family. When rules are enforced, it is an opportunity for children to practice making decisions and dealing with the consequences of their choices. Boundaries that you set will help guide your child’s behavior.

 

Michigan State University Extension has some tips to help set and enforce family rules.

 

Keep the rules simple. The more complicated a rule, the harder it is to remember. Keep your rules short and simple so it is easier for young children to learn and remember. Rules for young children should be very easy to understand and there should be as few rules as possible.

 

Make sure rules are enforceable. Rules or boundaries should be connected to consequences, or what will happen if the rule is broken. Set consequences that are fair and reasonable and give your child the opportunity to learn to make better choices in the future.

 

Enforce rules consistently. If a rule is only enforced some of the time, your child will notice and they will learn that the rule doesn’t need to be followed. Make sure you enforce rules consistently and as soon as possible. This helps build a cause-and-effect relationship for your child (if I do this, then this will happen). This will help them learn to make better choices in the future.

 

Remind the rule. Kids need lots of reminders about rules and boundaries. Post a picture chart for your family rules in the house where your child will be able to see them regularly. Remind your child of the rules often, and give the warnings so they have the opportunity to change their behavior before facing consequences.

 

Remember that rules are for everyone. If you set a rule for your family and you break it, you are sending a message to your child that you do not value that rule. It’s important to practice what you preach and impact upon your child that the rule is so important, even you will follow it.

 

Family rules can help calm the chaos and set limits that will help your child understand boundaries and learn to make good choices.

 

For more articles on child development, academic success, parenting and life skill development, please visit the Michigan State University Extension website.

 

To learn about the positive impact children and families experience due to MSU Extension programs, read our 2017 impact report. Additional impact reports, highlighting even more ways Michigan 4-H and MSU Extension positively impacted individuals and communities in 2017, can be downloaded from the Michigan 4-H website.

 

This article was published by Michigan State University Extension. For more information, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu. To have a digest of information delivered straight to your email inbox, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu/newsletters. To contact an expert in your area, visit http://expert.msue.msu.edu, or call 888-MSUE4MI (888-678-3464).

Self-care for parents and caregivers

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By Kylie Rymanowicz, Michigan State University Extension

 

Raising young children can be stressful and from time to time it can take its toll on parents and other caregivers. Self-care is a crucial way to ensure adults caring for young children are prepared to invest the time and energy they need to be the best caregivers they can be. If you aren’t taking care of yourself, you may not have much left to give your children.

 

Michigan State University Extension has some suggestions for making sure parents and caregivers take the time for self-care.

 

Make sure your basic needs are met. In the hustle of trying to take care of young children, the needs of parents and caregivers often get overlooked. Think about the energy you invest in making sure your child’s needs are met. You make sure they get enough to drink and eat, provide enough time for them to get the restful sleep they need as well as the exercise and time to play—do you do the same for yourself?

 

Make it a routine. Just like you develop routines for your child, make self-care part of your daily routine. Come up with simple routines you can do to help you relax and unwind and take care of yourself. Maybe it’s taking a quick walk by yourself a few days a week or making time to bake if that’s a hobby you enjoy.

 

Start small. Big changes can seem intimidating, so don’t think of increasing your self-care as something big you have to do overnight. Break up the task into small pieces and find something small to start with, like challenging yourself to drinking less caffeine to help you sleep better at night. Try writing down your goals and keeping track of your efforts—this can help motivate you to keep going and is a great way to see your progress. Once you have incorporated that change, try making another small change.

 

Model self-care for your child. Let your child know what you’re doing and why self-care is so important. You can tell them, “This is Daddy’s time to himself. When I go for a walk alone it gives me time to think and helps me feel calm and relaxed.” Children learn from watching us and when we show them we value self-care, they learn to value it too.

 

Investing in your own well-being is a way to invest in your child’s well-being. Take the time to nurture yourself so you have the energy and motivation to nurture your child.

 

For more articles on child development, academic success, parenting and life skill development, please visit the Michigan State University Extension website.

 

To learn about the positive impact children and families experience due to MSU Extension programs, read our 2017 impact report. Additional impact reports, highlighting even more ways Michigan 4-H and MSU Extension positively impacted individuals and communities in 2017, can be downloaded from the Michigan 4-H website.

 

This article was published by Michigan State University Extension. For more information, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu. To have a digest of information delivered straight to your email inbox, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu/newsletters. To contact an expert in your area, visit http://expert.msue.msu.edu, or call 888-MSUE4MI (888-678-3464).

Helping children adjust to a new sibling

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Courtesy MSU Extension

By Kylie Rymanowicz, Michigan State University Extension 

 

Welcoming a new sibling can be a big transition for everyone in the family and can be especially tough on children. All of a sudden, a young child’s world shifts dramatically. They have to share their home, their things and the attention of their parents and other special adults. This can lead to behavior outbursts, regression and even tantrums.

 

Michigan State University Extension has some tips to help prepare your child for their new sibling:

 

Talk about it. Talk about the new baby and what things will be like. “Your little brother will come home and live here with us. Here is where he will sleep. He will cry a lot in the beginning because that is how he tells us what he needs. When he gets bigger you will be able to play with him.”

 

Get them involved. If possible, include your child in helping prepare for the baby before they arrive. Let them pick out special items for the baby or decorate the nursery.

 

Plan some special time. One of the hardest parts of welcoming a new sibling can be sharing time with Mom and Dad. Try planning some special time with your older child where they can have your undivided attention at least for a little while. This will help them feel important and special, even if they have to share your attention.

 

Read books. You can also read books about new siblings like, “The New Baby” by Mercer Mayer, “Peter’s Chair” by Ezra Jack Keates, “There’s Going to Be a Baby” by John Burningham or “Martha Doesn’t Share” by Samantha Berger.

 

Be understanding. If your child struggles to adjust to their new sibling, be understanding. Remember that it’s a big adjustment and will take time and practice. They may regress, have more tantrums or outbursts than normal or be extra clingy—this is all normal. The best thing you can do is to be empathetic instead of punishing your child. Reassure them with words, “It can be hard to share your time with Mommy, or share your toys. That makes you feel really sad. I understand. It’s OK to be sad.”

 

Show them love. Load your child up with lots of love and support to reassure them they are loved and supported no matter what changes are taking place at home. Give them physical affection with hugs and snuggles, verbal affection with praise and encouragement and lots of quality time together.

 

For more information on welcoming a new sibling, check out Kid’s Health, Mott’s Children’s Hospital and Zero to Three.

 

For more articles on child development, academic success, parenting and life skill development, please visit the Michigan State University Extension website.

 

To learn about the positive impact children and families experience due to MSU Extension programs, read our 2017 impact report. Additional impact reports, highlighting even more ways Michigan 4-H and MSU Extension positively impacted individuals and communities in 2017, can be downloaded from the MSU Extension website.

 

This article was published by Michigan State University Extension. For more information, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu. To have a digest of information delivered straight to your email inbox, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu/newsletters. To contact an expert in your area, visit http://expert.msue.msu.edu, or call 888-MSUE4MI (888-678-3464).