Sibling rivalry - WKTV Journal

Courtesy Michigan State University Extension

By Tracy Trautner, Michigan State University Extension

“Don’t make me pull this car over!” Siblings will often bicker, fight and disagree, but wait a few minutes and they will be best friends and don’t remember why they were fighting. Or if they are like my boys, they will say, “We are just having a conversation,” yet it sounds like bickering to me and it is stressful to the outside listener!

Families heading out for a summer vacation or even staying at home know all too well sibling “conversations” are inevitable. Fighting can be frustrating for everyone involved. Kids can have conflict for many reasons including jealousy, different temperaments and even the developmental needs of the child. For example, a child that is in elementary school has a strong sense of fairness and will be upset if they are treated differently.

Michigan State University Extension offers the following suggestions when sibling rivalry erupts in your family:

Try not to get involved unless the argument becomes physical. Effective negotiating and problem solving are skills they will need for life. When we constantly rescue, they will learn to expect that from us and the opportunity to learn how to resolve a conflict is missed. In addition, kids that are always rescued may feel they can get away with more.
If necessary, resolve conflicts with your child.
Discuss with your kids that equal and fair is not always possible. Someone may sometimes get more. That is true in a family scenario as well as real life.
Sometimes it can be as simple as offering, or setting up, space for time apart. We don’t always get along with friends and coworkers, so it is unrealistic to think siblings will be non-confrontational.

According to a Mayo Clinic article, “Sibling rivalry: Helping your children get along,” parents can also respect each child’s unique needs, avoid comparisons, set ground rules and stick to them, anticipate problems, listen, encourage good behavior and show your love.

The silver lining is when children disagree, they are showing healthy signs that they are able to express their needs and wants. Sibling rivalry is normal. All children will disagree. Treating them as individuals is key to helping the family through those stressful times.

This article was published by Michigan State University Extension. For more information, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu. To have a digest of information delivered straight to your email inbox, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu/newsletters. To contact an expert in your area, visit http://expert.msue.msu.edu, or call 888-MSUE4MI (888-678-3464).

By Kylie Rymanowicz, Michigan State University Extension

Welcoming a new sibling can be a big transition for everyone in the family and can be especially tough on children. All of a sudden, a young child’s world shifts dramatically. They have to share their home, their things and the attention of their parents and other special adults. This can lead to behavior outbursts, regression and even tantrums.

Michigan State University Extension has some tips to help prepare your child for their new sibling:

Talk about it. Talk about the new baby and what things will be like. “Your little brother will come home and live here with us. Here is where he will sleep. He will cry a lot in the beginning because that is how he tells us what he needs. When he gets bigger you will be able to play with him.”

Get them involved. If possible, include your child in helping prepare for the baby before they arrive. Let them pick out special items for the baby or decorate the nursery.

Plan some special time. One of the hardest parts of welcoming a new sibling can be sharing time with Mom and Dad. Try planning some special time with your older child where they can have your undivided attention at least for a little while. This will help them feel important and special, even if they have to share your attention.

Read books. You can also read books about new siblings like, “The New Baby” by Mercer Mayer, “Peter’s Chair” by Ezra Jack Keates, “There’s Going to Be a Baby” by John Burningham or “Martha Doesn’t Share” by Samantha Berger.

Be understanding. If your child struggles to adjust to their new sibling, be understanding. Remember that it’s a big adjustment and will take time and practice. They may regress, have more tantrums or outbursts than normal or be extra clingy—this is all normal. The best thing you can do is to be empathetic instead of punishing your child. Reassure them with words, “It can be hard to share your time with Mommy, or share your toys. That makes you feel really sad. I understand. It’s OK to be sad.”

Show them love. Load your child up with lots of love and support to reassure them they are loved and supported no matter what changes are taking place at home. Give them physical affection with hugs and snuggles, verbal affection with praise and encouragement and lots of quality time together.

For more information on welcoming a new sibling, check out Kid’s Health, Mott’s Children’s Hospital and Zero to Three.

For more articles on child development, academic success, parenting and life skill development, please visit the Michigan State University Extension website.

To learn about the positive impact children and families experience due to MSU Extension programs, read our 2017 impact report. Additional impact reports, highlighting even more ways Michigan 4-H and MSU Extension positively impacted individuals and communities in 2017, can be downloaded from the MSU Extension website.

This article was published by Michigan State University Extension. For more information, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu. To have a digest of information delivered straight to your email inbox, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu/newsletters. To contact an expert in your area, visit http://expert.msue.msu.edu, or call 888-MSUE4MI (888-678-3464).